self-bondage vs. submission?
I've just been looking through the preview pages for Chimera Bondage, the site I did the self-bondage shoot with last year which I found so challenging.
The webmaster recently emailled me asking if I'd be interested in another shoot with them, and honestly? Lovely as they were to work with, I decided to say no. It was a very interesting experiment, but it wasn't for me. I may have masochistic tendencies - I may be able to fly, enter a trance state if you put me in the right headspace and cause me the right kind of pain - but at heart, I'm not a painslut out for kicks. I'm a submissive. In order to enjoy suffering I have to be suffering for someone. For me to get a thrill out of pain, someone has to be giving it to me, someone I want to make proud. Causing pain to myself is an interesting psychological experiment, but there's no depth to it. It doesn't really connect with my kink.
Of course, I'm not "properly" subbing to the top or dom every time I take a spanking on camera. It's not a deep emotional connection. But subbing on camera appeals to my professional pride. I want the studio/photographer/top to think well of me; I want the viewers to think well of me. Part of it's an exhibitionist thing - I want to look good and I like showing off, being objectified by the gaze of all the viewers who want to do all sorts of wicked things to me. I'm pretty sure I'm good at acting in spanking films and I get a performance-related thrill out of that. But most of it is roleplay. I put myself into the head of the character I'm playing and I enjoy their helplessness, their suffering.
Logically, I guess all of this could apply to self-bondage. The photographer, the studio and the viewers are all still "there" - I still want them to be proud of me. I'm playing a character who is compelled to do these things to herself, who isn't consenting to it. But somehow, it didn't click for me. Tying myself up, putting clamps on myself - I could do it, and it was absolutely fascinating finding out what it was like, but I couldn't connect to it from within my own kink. It was too self-contained. There wasn't anyone else there for me to bounce off - only the photographer, who stayed as distanced as he could so I didn't feel self-conscious or crowded. I guess I'm just not a solo performer.
That said, the spanking machine was, while slightly anti-climactic, nonetheless one of the most erotic things ever to happen to me on camera. The sensations were almost irrelevant - I was melting from the sheer idea of it! If I could do a shoot consisting solely of spanking machines without any of the self-flagellation and self-bondage, that would do me fine :) But self-bondage is such an integral part of Chimera Bondage I don't think I could get away with omitting it entirely. I could probably do it again, sure, but I wouldn't really get anything out of it, and one of the things I've promised myself since returning to modelling is to stick to shoots that really appeal to my personal tastes.
So there'll probably only be the one shoot with me at Chimera Bondage. I found it a challenge, and I'm proud of it. It didn't come easy. The photos and film of me is nowhere near the most hardcore or extreme on the site, but I don't mind that - I pushed my own limits, and that's worth something. 
The spanking machine was TOTALLY awesome and I am thinking of investing in one for my wife.
ReplyDeleteI haven't broached the subject with her yet, but I'm sure she'll be fine about it!!!
That spanking machine is intriguing! Is it electric or gas operated? Being indoors and with that counter I would have to guess electric. You've got to admit that a loud scary sounding gas or diesel spanking machine would be more intimidating! It seems that some of the details are covered with some sort of tarp. Is that because it will be marketed someday and the details are trade secrets or is it to prevent do it yourselfers from trying this at home? If you had one at home, would you use it?
ReplyDeleteOnly seen some freebee stills so far but Pain4Fem have just released a film that includes a caning machine, not sure if the machine at P4F is a real working machine or a mock up.
ReplyDeletePrefectdt
There wasn't anyone else there for me to bounce off
ReplyDeleteBrilliant line. For me, spanking is all about intimacy and I can completely understand your discomfort with self-bondage. There's got to be someone there to "bounce off" of, to connect with, even if not at the same level of intimacy as with a partner. We are relational beings and even play requires interacting with someone -- at least for me!
But I do have to say, that spanking machine looks wicked cool... ::grin::
Chimerbondage is unusual but it is proving VERY popular :) I don’t know if it’s the bondage, the gadgets or the spanking but it is definitely different !
ReplyDeleteTo answer a question – Yes the machine with Pandora was all electric but it was not adjustable and under powered so we have built the Mark II which is powered by compressed air - and yes it does have a nice sound ;)
Its first outing was with Ariel, you may know her as Amelia Jane Rutherford and the spanking scene will be on our site in about a month (You can see the previews now). After talking with Amelia we have now attached a swishy riding whip instead of the paddle – ouch !
We may have to start a new site just for the spanker !
All the best Mr C (chimerabondage.com)
I love the spanking machine! Thats always been a back of the mind fantasy of mine.
ReplyDeleteI think self-bondage is good for people to experiment with if they are just discovering their kinks and are unsure of what they like. But it gets boring quickly.
Thebes
A spanking machine is a nice little gimmick. I've never "tried" one, but I suppose it could be fun to do. On the other hand, it doesn't have the psychological appeal of two real people doing a scene together, obviously. The same goes for self-bondage. So I can't imagine ever getting into either of the two myself too much, because I enjoy the interaction, the communication, the collaboration.
ReplyDeleteI can understand that you are selective about your scenes, what really interests and what you want to do. I've come to feel like that myself over the years. Many things that used to excite me out of sheer curiosity and novelty value don't anymore.
As time goes by, you realize what really intrigues you, what people and types of scenarios you love, and you just focus on those. There is no sense in repeating yourself just to "do it again", if it's something you aren't really into.
Roland - I'm not sure they're available for general release yet! This one was custom-made. There's the Robospanker, but it's very pricey and I can't vouch for its efficiency. Maybe I should email them and offer to review it in exchange for a free go? :)
ReplyDeleteTigerbutt - It's electric, and the sound of it was pretty scary. First the counter, then the click and the sound of the spring mechanism gearing up, before the whoosh and crack of the paddle itself. A gas one would be awesome, though - imagine a steampunk spanking machine, for proper old-fashioned Victorian discipline with the benefit of modern technology! Aaaah, if I were only rich...
The tarp is just to cover the contents of the workshop where Mr Chimera builds all his bondage gadgets. It might be about maintaining his privacy or it might just be an attempt to reduce clutter! As for trade secrets, I don't have the blueprints for the machine and I'm not sure if he'd be willing to share...
If I had one at home? I wouldn't use it on myself, but hopefully my doms would use it frequently to discipline me. They've talked before about the advantages of having a spanking machine with a USB connection which could be controlled virtually. I doubt that either of them would prefer to use the machine rather than punish me himself, but if I'm out of line and neither of them is present, then it could be very useful for applying discipline remotely!
(Actually, my biggest spanking machine fantasy is one in which I'm strapped into the machine by my Master or another authoritarian, who sets the timer - say, for 20 minutes - and then leaves the room. They'll come back when the time is up and see if I still need dealing with. So I'm being punished *by* someone and I can be confident of getting either aftercare or more personal punishment afterwards depending on what they think I deserve. But while it's happening, I'm on my own. There's nothing I can do, and no-one to hear my screams. That isolation and helplessness is very hot, to me. I'm not sure if I could deal with it for real, though... I think this might be one of my fantasies that's more extreme than I'd actually be prepared to act out.)
Prefectdt - Ooh, intriguing! I haven't seen the stills - can you post a link?
ReplyDeleteNatty - Yes, exactly! "Relational beings" is an awesome way of putting it. Most of my spanking machine fantasies involve being strapped into it by someone, who then either watches or returns later. Being told to get into it and turn it on (e.g. by someone on the other end of a phone) has less appeal, although if it was one of my doms doing it I would definitely get something out of it. But mostly, I visualise someone else being present and controlling how the machine's used. That's what makes the idea of it click for me.
Mr C - a site just for the spanker is an excellent idea! There is surely some crossover between your members who are into bondage and those who like the machine, but I can see the advantages of catering two sites specifically to each market. If you ever do set up a spin-off site focussing on the spanking machine and not on the self-bondage, let me know! That might well be enough to tempt me back, if you'd still want me ;)
Ludwig - as I've mentioned above, spanking machines as a concept are hottest for me in the hands of a skilled dom. Maybe the dom has stuff to do and needs to get a punishment dealt with before he returns. Maybe he's so angry he doesn't trust himself to deliver a fair punishment, and uses the machine instead. Or maybe I've been SO naughty that I deserve a really long, hard spanking, and the dom would much rather put his feet up with a book and a glass of port and supervise the spanking, rather than put himself to all that effort himself after a long day at work. There are lots of possibilities for interactive use of a spanking machine! :)
And yes, exactly - some things have novelty value even if they aren't to your personal taste, and I always want to keep trying new things. Sometimes it opens new doors in your sexuality you didn't know were there. And sometimes it was an interesting experiment, but nothing you're going to carry with you. Both experiences are worthwhile, in my opinion. Every person's kink is a journey that finds its own path as they travel it.
On being left in the room while strapped to the machine for twenty minutes...
ReplyDeleteYou could always have a "kill switch" or "dead man switch" hooked up to it in case you lose your nerve or in the event of mechanical malfunction, or would this defeat the purpose?
The drawing of a spanking machine I saw in "Mad Magazine" when I was a kid (and stared at for long periods in morbid fascination) was supposedly "for soft hearted parents and school teachers". I even had a strange dream about my entire class being strapped into one at our desks (myself included).
Greetings from Sweden! You surely have a great blog and I will return here often.
ReplyDeleteI would love having a spanking machine, or even better: a caning machine, as I do practise self-punishment frequently and I am actually enjoying it. My Master and I are not living together and in his abscence I have to take care of the punishments myself. Of course it will never be the same as being punished by Him but still I find the idea of a machine doing it all very intriguing.
I have to say I love the Chimerabondage site. The content is just so original compared to most of the mainstream rubbish.
ReplyDeleteI also have to say scenes two and three of your spanking shoot are amongst the best on the site, along with Ariel Anderssen's '100 Plus'.
I never considered spanking scenes an interest before this. I'm now a convert!