a pervy linkpost

Some choice snippets from the kinky web this week:

S&M video producer in Hungary raided by police
Posted by Adele Haze on January 27, 2010

A reader has alerted me to an item on a Hungarian news site, according to which a S&M film studio was raided by the police after a model complained that her treatment went further than she had consented. Three people were arrested.

The article doesn’t name the producer, but both Mood Pictures and Elite Pain appear to be offline.

There's some expansion on the story in the comments, but nothing is clear yet. Mood Pictures has been offline for four days now - those of you who have emailed me to ask why, this is the best I have to offer.

Three harsh lashes for a nun
Posted by Prefectdt on January 26, 2010

Enjoy the clip, it is only three lashes but I love the ceremonial way that it is carried out. It comes from a mainstream Swedish production called Arn, that is about a Knight Templar.

The Future Looks Grimm for Fairy Tale Princesses (and their bottoms, of course)
Posted by Abby Williams on Friday, January 22, 2010

Tears formed in the princess's eyes, but the queen was unmoved after nineteen years of coddling the slatternly ingrate. "You will be punished, and you will be married to the first suitor who will take you."

The princess had not yet comprehended that she was to be married. "Punished?" She had never received so much as a swat on the back of her hand or been sent to bed without supper.

"Punished, and so severely that it will be in secret. No man will want you if he knows you've misbehaved to such a degree that you had to be bound in your chamber and whipped until you saw the sense of giving up your whoring ways in exchange for marriage." Read more

Story: ‘Part of the Family’ (M/mf, OTK, hairbrush)
Posted by Adele Haze on January 21, 2010

In the evening, after cocoa and biscuits, Mother went to put Cathy to bed, and Daddy turned to me and Adam.

“We have something to chat about, don’t we?” He didn’t look angry, or anything, but I could see in his face that he was going to go through with what he’d said in the car. We were definitely getting it. “You can clean up the dishes, and then come to my den. May I advise you not to take too long.”

That last warning came just as I’d resolved to lick each plate clean, twice.

When Daddy left us alone, I sighed, dragging myself to my feet. “Ooh, boy,” I said in a tiny voice.

“Shut up,” said Adam; I think, he meant for it to come out fiercely, but instead it sounded all wobbly. Even his mouth looked wobbly.

“If I shut up, we’re still in for it,” I said, picking up everybody’s cocoa mugs. “Daddy said…” I swallowed. “He said it would be the hairbrush next time.” Read more

--

Finally, those of you who used to follow the Sugasm may have noticed that it closed in October. I didn't post to it much last year, but I was sorry to discover it had gone on indefinite hiatus. Happily, a new (and very similar) sex blog round-up has sprang up in its wake: e[lust]. Here's e[lust] #6:


HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport Security - I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search.  I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative - When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina - Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat –Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless - “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Arousal is not consent
Psychosexual: Does the G spot exist? Do I care?
Reputable Help for Haiti
Squicked
That’ll be 151 Nickels
The Case of the Mysteriously Vanishing G-spot
Transtastic: Joking About Being Trans
Vegas – Day One – Diva’s Quick Recap
Vegas – Day One – Tess’s Thoughts
Why Don’t They Just LEAVE?

Kink & Fetish
Anatomy of a Mindfuck
Bad Submissive
Claiming: Go Pantiless After
Dating Refresher
Electric fuck
Fetishes and me
Kinky With Class
Laziness never pays off
Piercing reversal
Resolution
Titty Fuck
The Coffee Date, Part 2
The Job Interview
Without Reason

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
BDSM Relationship Advice for Newbies
Greedy For The Verse
Hang Ups and Hand Jobs
Ivy Madden
If she had just been a better wife…
Insomnia
Swinging
The Sexiness Beneath
Weightlessness

Erotic Writing
42DD
A Different Kind of Fuck
Across the Room
All in a Play Party’s Night
Amazing Night
Bedtime Story
Behind You
Breathe and Let Go
Done by a Clown
Evening Home
Glow
Lick You As Long As You Like
Moments of Clarity
Naughty Neighbor
Saturday Night’s Alright (For Swapping)
Sex and Video Games
Slip sliding away
The Slut Chronicles #11 ~ The Dinner Party
Thursdays
Tyler
Visitors in my Bedroom
Wicked Wednesday: Altitude
When you Talk About Maelee

performance buzz and snatched moments

Well, we're back. Over the last six years, I have now participated in performances of the Complete Works of Shakespeare (plus some exciting, variously obscure Elizabethan/Restoration extras), which is a pretty cool thing to have done. Even if I did fall asleep in a couple of the plays. I blame the beer.

As ever, performing together has been a real buzz for Tom and I, and despite the usual sleep-deprivation we spent the weekend feeling all connected and loved-up. Privacy is difficult to find at these events, but we managed to snatch some time together on the last afternoon ... I was slightly tipsy, I'd been running around a lot and the building we were staying in was pretty cold, so when the first smack landed on my bare flesh I suddenly became aware of how cold and sweat-damp my skin was. The sting cut through the beer-haze and sparked against the core of love and lust that had been heating every time I watched Tom perform.

Our acting friends are all very handsome, in a delightful variety of ways, and there's a group current of flirtation and sexual energy which is rarely acted on but delightful to bask in all the same. It provides a sort of pool we all draw from. But most of the weekend, I only had eyes for Tom. At one point, after one of the plays, I got him alone in our room and ran my hands over his shoulders, his muscular neck, the dark body hair just peeking out of his open-necked poet shirt. "Every time you've worn one something like this I have wanted to run my hands over you," I purred.

"I know," he smiled, "that's why I wear them."

"But I'm looking at you and lusting and you're all I'm in character and busy acting, I'm ignoring you!"

His grin broadened. "I know." He was right: it did make it hotter.

So yeah, that was nice: not a long spanking, but enough to get my attention. I asked for it fairly blatantly, undressing in front of him and bending non-too-subtly over the bed to look for something. And the sex that followed was urgent and sweaty with one of his hands holding my hip and the other wrapped around my throat.

--

Since I got back I've been working and sleeping and spending some quality time with D., which was just as sexy, but (mostly thanks to my sleep deprivation) we skipped the spanking part, so I won't go into detail. I've been catching up on the blogposts I've missed, and I have a few things I want to repost, but since this has been about my men, so far, I just want to highlight a comment Indy made on a post of Graham's:

I think I can describe just about every male top I know in the scene as a Daddy, Schoolmaster, or Cowboy, though a couple can pull off more than one category.

If any of you haven't read Indy's mind-opening post The Cowboy and the Schoolmaster, go and do so now. The post was fascinating, but that comment just made me blink because I really can't think of any exceptions. I am, of course, inclined to ascribe this to cultural trends/conditioning rather than saying anything about the fundamental nature of male tops. I suspect the tropes are different in different times and cultures, but in the West, in recent history, those three seem to basically sum it up. I would say that Tom is half Schoolmaster and half Cowboy. D. is pure Cowboy ;)

As I commented on Graham's post, it leaves me wondering what the categories would be for dominant women (male and female switches are a different ballpark, I think). I suggested the Mummy, the Schoolmistress and the Dark Queen (or however you would describe the elegant, cruel goddess type). Governess, Nurse and Nanny should be in there as well, but I think you can kind of divide those between Mummy and Schoolmistress. I'm not sure, though - my experience with female tops is only just beginning, so I'm not the best person to comment. If you agree, disagree or have better suggestions, please do add your thoughts to the discussions on Graham and Indy's blogs.

Livilla and Sejanus

It's the time of year when Tom and I (along with our friends Ophelia and Feste) disappear off into the wilds of England for a long weekend of Shakespeare and feasting. This time last year I'd just come back from shooting with Pain 4 Fem; this year I have a couple of faint bruises from my double caning on Monday, but nothing so dramatic to attract comment in the sauna.

We'll be back next week. Until then, I shall leave you with some photos from the last theatrical readthrough Tom and I did with this crowd - I, Claudius by Robert Graves. We were lucky enough to be cast as Sejanus and Livilla, and it was just as hot as we'd hoped. Those of you who don't know the book (or the classic BBC adaptation with Patricia Quinn and Patrick Stewart) may find something to enjoy in this little scene:



SEJANUS: I'll divorce my wife and get married. [kissing her] And then I'll have you all to myself. No more lovers for you, then. You'll have to behave.

[LIVILLA sits on the bed. SEJANUS strips until he is bare chested]

LIVILLA: And if I don't?

SEJANUS: If you don't? Then I'll lock you in a room without any clothes, and I'll visit you three or four times a day.

LIVILLA: Perhaps you'll be too tired. Perhaps you'll only manage once.

SEJANUS: [undressing her] Then I'll send my guards to stand in for me.

LIVILLA: Would you really?

SEJANUS: Yes.

LIVILLA: How many?

SEJANUS: Three or four.

LIVILLA: I might not let them.

SEJANUS: You'll be forced.

LIVILLA: Against my will?

SEJANUS: Yes.

LIVILLA: While you were there?

SEJANUS: Yes.

LIVILLA: I'd struggle. And scream.

SEJANUS: But no use.

LIVILLA: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

ask and ye shall receive

Right at the start of the new year, I came onto twitter one morning to discover a conversation that set my pulse racing. The topic was MF/f scenes. It was sparked off by Adele linking to this spanking gallery:



Somehow, this led to both Lucy McLean and Adele inviting Eliane over for a "mean double caning".

Well, when I came online, the discussion and ensuing public flirtation put all sorts of ideas into my head. I've been topped by a man and a woman at the same time before - on a Spanking Online shoot, with Tom and Miss Smith. It was delightful, but it hasn't really occurred to me to seek it out since. Before I knew it, messages had flown back and forth between me and Adele, and I found myself agreeing to visit her and Mr Haze for a mean double caning of my own.

Two tops. Two canes. Alternate strokes. One helpless girl. Suddenly the prospect seemed overwhelmingly exciting. Apparently I woke up in 2010 full of kinky energy, ready to jump on a train and play all the scenes I was too tired and low to seek out last year.

I headed up to visit the Hazes last night after work, and despite a day in the office and a long journey, after dinner I was ready for my thrashing.

We played a historical roleplay scene: a young governess ashamed of her secret wickedness; a generous Lord and Lady who, when they discover she has been lying to them, decide to deal with her privately and keep her on rather than sending her to the magistrate to be publically whipped. It was delicious, and after the scene came to a natural halt, we were all so keyed up that we kept going out of character, stripped off our too-hot (if not terribly authentic) costumes and lounging naked on the double bed. It was the first time Adele and I had properly played together in private, and it was thrilling and erotic and intense. In character, her and Mr Haze made a terrifying double-act; out of character, the connection between the three of us was affectionate and glowy and full of laughter. Mr Haze gently stroked my back while Adele attended to my bottom, and she gave me an extended cuddle when I got suddenly overwhelmed by sensation. Both of them looked after me, and afterwards I was given a glass of very nice single malt whiskey to help me recover. A long, hard double caning followed by lots of pampering: I can't think of a nicer way to spend the evening.

I'm going to write up the scene from my character's point of view later. There were some gorgeous psychological moments in it, but I'm sneaking this post in between doing my tax return, so I shall write it up in loving detail later. For now, have some photos, combined with the knowledge that I am doing my accounts while sitting on a very tender bottom.

M/m and gender equality in spanking porn

I saw the link to Indy's thought-provoking article on twitter this morning, but didn't have a chance to read it until I took a break from work at lunchtime. In the meantime, however, my brain was already firing up with my own thoughts on this topic - many of which you are already familiar with. Indy writes,

Most of the guys I know in the scene are utterly uninterested in M/M scenes of any kind, and would at a very minimum walk away if they saw one. The less tolerant among those men would be threatened by it and perhaps refuse to attend events sponsored by the organization. F/F scenes, though, are welcome, as these same men are quite happy to watch two women doing almost anything.

This question has been at the front of my mind lately. My original ambition for my new site was to publish high-quality M/m and M/mf spanking porn on the same site as all other orientations, in an attempt to appeal to the female and queer male audience which is so often invisibled by the industry. I have received a lot of strongly-worded advice from people who run their own sites, telling me that this will amount to a death sentence for my project unless the M/m material is partitioned off into its own site. Although it is my aim to produce female-gaze porn, realistically, the majority of paying customers are likely to still be male, and many of them will be put off for good by any whiff of M/m on a site they are browsing.

The tricky balance between idealism and realism is, until I launch and start seeing sales stats, purely speculative. However, my friends seemed likely enough to be correct that I started mentally preparing to separate my boysub material off into a separate site. However strong my ideal of a gender-egalitarian spanking site may be, if necessity dictates it become a gender-egalitarian network of sites instead, that's a compromise I can probably live with.

I am, however, acutely aware of the inequality and homophobia in this industry. I am currently trying to find a youngish, good looking male dominant actor who is willing to work with male subs, to help me realise some of my long-cherished M/m public school prefect fantasies. My first choice, of course, would be Tom - but although he's one of those rare straight men who would be happy to work with a male submissive (it is, after all, only acting - and if it's happy to top women that he wouldn't necessarily want to be sexual with, then why not men?) my primary male submissive model at the moment is Jimmy. He and Tom are old friends, and that particular pairing would be a bit too weird for both of them. Which leaves me at a standing start.

Here's what I think:

• Most spanking producers do not pay their male actors. I am a strong advocate of the idea that if you do not treat someone like a professional, you cannot expect professionalism from them (although you may get it anyway, if you have a good working relationship). Men are not paid for their work in spanking films because there is an expectation that they are motivated by personal gratification. Kinky men, statistically, have a far lower chance of finding a play partner than kinky women; men pay spanking professionals for sessions far more than women do. Appearing in a spanking film, it seems, is seen by many of an extension of the same trend. This attitude results in the perceived implication that a man spanking another man in porn must have personal reasons to do so - they must be sexually motivated.
  
  Or course, women often have personal/sexual motivations for appearing in porn, and everyone has different boundaries. But if most women only wanted to appear in films with people they fancied the industry would grind to a halt, and the women in question would be condemned for their unprofessionalism. There is a clear double standard here, and I think it's bollocks. Acting with someone doesn't mean you fancy them - that's why it's called acting.
  
  Also, I resent the implication that the men who have topped me on camera did so because it was the only way they'd get to spank me. That is really quite seriously creepy. I like to credit my toppy friends with a little more professionalism than that. I have this crazy idea that people make spanking porn because they are creatively motivated - they want to make something awesome. Most people get something personal out of it as well, but if sexual gratification is your only reason for being involved, you're going wrong somewhere.



• Straight women are expected, throughout every sector of the adult industry, to act out sexual encounters with other women without this being seen to imply anything about their personal preferences. Why not men?



• Female/female sex is included in anthologies of "straight" porn. In mainstream porn as in the rest of society, female queer experience is appropriated by straight men. I know when I'm out with a female partner, if we ever dare kiss in public we are likely to attract lecherous men asking if they can join in, or rudely taking photos on their cameras. Ironically, the same men who fetishise male-gaze lesbianism are usually opposed to equal rights and gay marriage.
  
  The reverse is true in some media, such as fanfiction, where mostly female authors write male/male sex for their own enjoyment. (Although it's uncertain whether this counts as 'appropriation' in the same way; firstly, appropriation implies a position of privilege, which is less clearcut between straight women and gay men than between straight men and gay women. Secondly, about 50% of fanfic writers identify as queer.) Fanfiction is still marginalised; the female gaze is not yet mainstream in visual erotica. While most women enjoy watching M/m, most porn does not yet cater to women.



• As long as men do most of the buying, the market has no choice but to cater to them. Women are still mostly content to get their online porn for free - a trend no doubt affected by the high proportion of women who prefer written erotica, which is very hard to charge for online. I've heard of a few lesbian or female gaze sites which carefully catered to the demands of their female audience, but struggled when that audience proved unwilling in practice to cough up and pay for the kind of porn they wanted. This leaves sites with a choice between going under, or catering to men. A lot of men are still violently put off by M/m, due to embedded homophobia and lack of understanding in our society - which the porn industry contributes to by expecting men to react homophobically. There is no reason why straight men shouldn't enjoy M/m in the same way that straight women enjoy F/f - identifying as one participant in a non-sexual punishment scenario, or enjoying the scenario in the abstract - but our culture teaches men to close their minds at an early age.



• One area of crossover which could appeal to both women and men is gay porn. However, in the spanking scene, M/m when produced by and for men often takes on an extreme macho style, with minimal reactions from the spankee. This instantly makes the content less appealing to many women, who are more likely to seek out emotional expression, intimacy and vulnerability in erotica. This means that the M/m content which is out there is unappealing to women, and no-one is producing M/m for women because not enough women are willing to pay for it, and not enough men are willing to do it.



• Our culture teaches both men and women that looking at female bodies is erotic. Women are taught to find female bodies visually stimulating and desirable regardless of their sexual orientation (consider, for example, the use of female bodies in adverts directed at women). The idea that no-one likes looking at male bodies is a deeply rooted cultural prejudice. It is also clearly bollocks because hello, male bodies can be gorgeous and most women enjoy looking at them in the flesh.

Many progressive individuals are working to change these factors, from talking to people about their ideas, to developing new ways of producing erotica. However, we are still in a minority even within our mostly-liberal little scene. Social inertia is very powerful; even if we are all working together to challenge received ideology and lazy or ignorant industry standards, it is likely to be a couple of generations before we can see true gender equality in visual erotica.

(Many thanks to CP Services London for the images. And a point to whoever recognises the cutie with the freckles in the third picture...)

arousal is not consent

If you're a woman and you're raped in the UK, chances are your rapist will get away with it. Nationally, on average only 5.6% of reported rapes result in convictions. While more rape survivors are reporting their rapes than in previous decades, far fewer rapists are successfully prosecuted.

This morning, this state of affairs reached an all new low. A gang rape case in Manchester was dropped when it was revealed that the 24 year old complainant had previously talked online about having group sex fantasies. Judge Robert Brown ruled that "her credibility was shot to pieces" and ordered the jury to return a verdict of not guilty.

The story doesn't contain much detail, but it seems to me that this is what happened: a 24 year old woman talked to Olatunji Owolabi, an internet friend, about her sexual fantasies, during which she admitted that she had fantasised about group sex. She speculated that if she found herself in a group sex situation "her morals would go out of the window" (her words). She arranged to visit Owolabi with the intention of hooking up with him. Without her consent or knowledge, he arranged a group of mates to come round. When she arrived at his house, they raped her. The judge ruled that it was not rape because of its similarity to her expressed fantasies.

Penny Red eloquently explains exactly why this is total bullshit:

Let's say, just for example, that my boyfriend is a little bit of a masochist. Let's say the idea of being smacked, spanked and hurt in a sexual context excites him; that we've discussed his fantasies and even acted some of them out in bed. Does that, then, mean that I'm entitled to beat him up in the kitchen whenever he annoys me? Can I punch him, cut him, smash his head into the cooker, and know that a jury will acquit me? Does the fact that he has kinky fantasies make it okay for me to physically abuse him in any context, with or without his consent?

No, of course it doesn't make it okay, and because he's a man and it's not a rape case, we all understand that that kind of response is never even close to okay.

Desire is not consent. Consent is consent. You and I know this, because we fantasise about situations which would constitute traumatic assault or torture if they were actually carried out without our consent by people we didn't know or like. Thinking about something, fantasising about something, getting turned on by the idea of it, is not consent. Only consent is consent. Someone who enjoys thinking about sex, and having sex at certain times and with certain people, may not want to enjoy it right this second, right now, with this particular person. That person forcing them to endure it anyway is rape.

This doesn't change when the activity is group sex. It doesn't change when the activity is spanking or punching or kidnap. I am amazed that someone could have the education, intelligence and experience necessary to become a judge without this simple truth being perfectly obvious. Unless, I suppose, they were a woman-hating bigot.

--

Meredith Chivers, a 36-year-old psychology professor at Queen’s University, Ontario, and editor of a highly regarded journal of sexual research, has been making this point for the last ten years. According to a 2008 article in the Journal of Sex Research, 1 in 10 women enjoy pleasurable fantasies of sexual rape or assault at least once a month. Chivers told the NY Times,

"I walk a fine line, politically and personally, talking frankly about this subject. I would never, never want to deliver the message to anyone that they have the right to take away a woman’s autonomy over her body. I hammer home with my students, ‘Arousal is not consent.’ ”

We spoke, then, about the way sexual fantasies strip away the prospect of repercussions, of physical or psychological harm, and allow for unencumbered excitement, about the way they offer, in this sense, a pure glimpse into desire, without meaning — especially in the case of sexual assault — that the actual experiences are wanted.

“It’s the wish to be beyond will, beyond thought,” Chivers said about rape fantasies. “To be all in the midbrain.”

Jezebel magazine followed up the NY Times article with an interesting discussion of the issues. One writer, Anna, asked:

Can we [...] cease to use the phrase "rape fantasy"? The underlying definition of the word "rape" implies not only a lack of power but lack of choice, and for those who fantasize about being dominated, to me [...] there is a lot of power and choice inherent in that fantasy: you get to pick the time, the place, the person.

The other, Megan, replied:

Actual rape isn't about losing control or about giving up control or, one might say, if one were more versed in the language of the BDSM scene, topping from the bottom. Rape fantasies are, as you say, fantasies about submitting to a supposed aggressor with full consent and knowledge that you can be the one ending it. It's a fantasy of domination even as it's a fantasy about what rape really is. But [...] I don't have a problem with the term: unlike one of the commenters on the article, I have no illusions that either of the men that sexually assaulted me did so because they thought I "wanted" it. They might have chosen to justify their actions to themselves or others in that way afterwards, but there was no mistaking what was going on either time.

Rape and sexual assault victims understand very well the difference between fantasy and reality. You and I understand it as well, because our fantasies would usually be violent crimes if they were non-consensually carried out. We understand that fantasies do not diminish our autonomy: that enjoying our own imagined version of an event does not automatically give anyone else permission to forcibly inflict a similar event on us at any time. Unfortunately, that understanding is not yet as widespread as it should be.

Sexual research is still a male-dominated field, and clearly not one that Judge Brown is particularly familiar with. Chivers' analysis might sound like common sense to us, but we have long a way to go before its truth results in cultural change. Until our judges and prosecutors are educated to understand that arousal is not consent, rapes will continue to go unchallenged and unpunished.

Sharpe's flogging

I've just started reading the first book of the Sharpe series by Bernard Cornwell - the ones that were made into a tasty TV BBC costume drama starring Sean Bean. The first book, Sharpe's Tiger, predates the first plotline of the TV show, presumably because it's set in India and they didn't have the budget.

The villain, Sergeant Hakeswill, is one that reappears in the TV episodes Sharpe's Company and Sharpe's Enemy, in which he gets Sharpe's friend Harper unjustly flogged. The whipping in the BBC version is somewhat anticlimactic Of course, a flogging with authentic blood and gore would be too much for the BBC (although inconsistently, they're happy enough to include a certain amount of blood and gore in the battle scenes).

I know that actual military floggings were far more horrific. Thanks to poor medical care (and a lack of will in carrying what knowledge they had out responsibly) a small sentence could be lethal due to the chance of infection; but even without that factor, a sentence of one or two hundred lashes could easily kill someone. The leather thongs tear the flesh away from the bones and the flesh is shredded to ribbons. I found the flogging scenes in Naomi Novik's Temeraire books far more realistic, and simultaneously more sensitive: 40 lashes is seen as a severe sentence which the captain is unwilling to give out; he forces himself to watch it, suffering all the while; and the miscreants stay in the sick bed for several weeks afterwards. By contrast, the scene in Sharpe's Tiger is extravagantly, sensationalistically, horrific: Cornwell's only aim is to heighten the anticipation and horror, and few of his characters show any humanity or sensitivity.

Anyway, I tucked into the first book delightedly, pleased to be able to read about characters I have long loved. I love Cornwell's other historical fiction and I had high hopes. But the first section of the book is all about how horrible it is to be flogged (and how horrible it is to be a soldier in every other way, but with a perverse fixation on the flogging) and then how horrible Hakeswill is, and how Hakeswill is definitely going to get Sharpe flogged and how horrible that's going to be. I knew Sharpe did get flogged in this book because I'd been spoilered by the TV show, but the sensationalistic anticipation about how awful it was going to be was so unbearable that I did something I very rarely do. I skipped ahead.

I skipped ahead, past all the other plotlines, past how Hakeswill achieves it, to the flogging itself. Which was, if anything, even more horrific and extreme and gory than I had imagined, partly because Sharpe is given a sentence which massively exceeds the maximum historical sentence of 1 200 lashes. Of course no-one could survive that, so of course he is saved by an even unlikelier sequence of events. The unrealistically excessive sentence and the equally unrealistic rescue were just as disappointing as the weedy, unbelievable flogging shown on screen in the TV show.

The more brutal tortures used as disciplinary methods in historical contexts are not always interesting to me: the naval horror stories are mildly fascinating, and their background presence adds tension to any naval scene, but I wouldn't want to read a detailled account of one actually being carried out; I certainly wouldn't want to read an account from the perspective of the victim. I was expecting Sharpe's flogging to be slightly sexy, and when the first anticipatory hints were dropped in the opening pages my heart definitely started racing. But my horror and dismay quickly overtook any erotic fear I was feeling, and the actual scene turned me right off.

British military floggings were horrific and gory and brutal, and often just a slow and agonising death sentence. In my fantasy life, they far more often appear as the-threat-which-is-never-carried-out, or as vague background texture which is never made explicit. I squirmed during the scene in the Temeraire series, but I think that level - 40 lashes viewed by sympathetic characters - represents the most extreme edge of my interest in actually imagining the experience of a flogging in any empathic detail. More than that and it's like any other torture porn - mildly fascinating in the abstract, but increasingly disgusting and upsetting as more detail is included, all the more if it's based on real events.

Am I just getting more sensitive as I age? Is it that the more real, historical brutality and gore I learn about, the less interested I am in including it in my fantasies? I'm not sure how much I was ever interested in scenarios this extreme. And while I get much more upset and angry about real-life rape and assault these days than I used to, I still fetishize similar acts in a consensual/fantasy setting. So I'm not sure that's it.

When I think about it, I've always shied away from reading about this sort of thing in detail - but when I was younger, that reticence was characterised by a squirmy, guilty, shameful excitement. I didn't read more because I was excited by the idea, and I was ashamed of being excited. These days, that shame isn't there: so I look deeper, at which point I discover that I lack the stomach for depictions of real atrocities carried out against real people, and often can't prevent myself from imagining the experience, which is upsetting and not particularly erotic. Any eroticism is in the hints, the anticipation, the subtlety; the breath-quickening idea rather than the blood-soaked reality.

Mostly, I think I'm disappointed that Sharpe's flogging was too over-the-top for me to take it seriously. I'd wanted to get really into it, feel his fear and then get all gooey over how brave and tough he was for enduring it. As it was, I felt my brain shutting down, and I skipped through the pages as fast as I could. But even if the scene had been more realistic, I still doubt I would enjoy immersing myself in an account of one of the more believable, but no less horrible or lethal floggings with sentences in the hundreds which were carried out in reality.

Your mileage may vary, though, so if backs flayed to the bone are your kind of thing, this book is definitely for you.

boys on film

It's the Thursday morning of New Year's Eve. Tom's got a cold, and he went to bed early last night while Jimmy and I stayed up late, high from the shoot and giggling over rude webcomics. When I come downstairs the next morning Tom's bundled up on the sofa, drinking tea and feeling sorry for himself. I climb into his lap for a cuddle, then smilingly arrange myself over his knee with my elbows folded on the arm of the sofa, allowing him to inspect the damage from yesterday's shoot. He deals me a couple of slow, hard spanks over my knickers, one on each cheek. I ow and wiggle appreciatively.

Halfway through all this, Jimmy comes downstairs. "How are you doing?" Tom asks him, casually rubbing my bottom.

Jimmy looks thoughtful. "I'm fine - I was just waiting for my shocked reaction, you know? And then I realised ... there wasn't going to be one. After yesterday I feel incredibly normalised. It's lovely."

We grinned at him. In my opinion that's one of the best things about shooting; it's pretty cool he got to experience it that quickly.

--

My aims for this shoot were as follows:

1. Introduce Jimmy to the experience of filming spanking porn in a safe environment. As well as getting his head around the practical and technical sides of the job, I wanted him to have fun and do some interesting scenes with believable characters without being pushed too hard, or having to do anything he wasn't into.


2. Play some final, climactic scenes with Zoe before she flew back to Australia.


3. Realise some of the hot X/mf fantasies I've had brewing for the past few years.


4. Put my money where my mouth is, and make some socially-conscious, female-gaze, hot boysub porn which people will want to watch.

Personally, I reckon the shoot was a success on all counts. Jimmy certainly seemed to enjoy himself. And I can tell you now: this boy is a star.

The first scene we filmed was called "Taking the Blame", and stole a leaf out of Tom Sawyer's book. Jimmy and I played young friends who were always getting into mischief. They're at the age where although they each have a burgeoning crush on the other, neither dares act on it. When his aunt finds out about their latest scrape, Jimmy gallantly takes the blame - even though Pandora was the culprit on this occasion.

His aunt decides that the most effective way of driving her point home will be to pull down his jeans and boxers, and give him a sound spanking in front of his young friend. My character is embarassed and horrified - these certainly weren't the circumstances in which she'd dreamed about seeing her best friend's naked body! Although Jimmy is frantically signalling to her to keep her mouth shut so their ordeal will be over as soon as possible, she can't bear to watch him take the punishment she deserves. She confesses her guilt, and begs Zoe to punish her instead.

Of course, Zoe intends to do no such thing. One of them has clearly lied to her, and in her opinion they're both as bad as each other. An excruciating tawsing follows, during which both teenagers try to avoid each other's eyes. Afterwards his aunt gives Jimmy a piece of her mind, telling him he thinks he's such a knight in shining armour, trying to impress his little friend - but he ever tries to mess around with his partner-in-crime, Zoe will ensure the two of them never see each other again.

It was a fast-paced scene, and ended up shorter than we expected - a "short sharp shock" to borrow Northern Spanking's phrase. It whizzed by so successfully that we completely forgot to take any stills, so you'll have to wait until my site's online to watch it. Although I might try to post some screenshots after I've tackled the editing...

The second scene was a re-run of a clip I filmed with Zoe a couple of years ago, for a company which never went anywhere. I have to say, it was massively improved by the addition of a good-looking young man.





The Head Girl is shocked to discover that two of her prefects have been conducting a reign of terror under her nose for two whole terms. Prefects are allowed to dish out lines and detentions to younger pupils they catch flouting the school rules, but only the Head Girl and Boy, the teachers and the Headmaster are allowed to administer corporal punishment. Nonetheless, this terrible twosome have been doing exactly that. The Head Girl strips them of their prefect privileges, and decides that the only fair response is to give them a taste of their own medicine.



She punishes them with each of the implements which she has discovered they have used on younger pupils. With each implement, she drags the story out of them. Despite their protests and excuses, they have no choice but to bend over and endure what they have so irresponsibly handed out.





The third scene was an intense fantasy I wrote some time ago. Zoe and Jimmy were my ideal casting for the other two characters, but I wasn't wedded to the idea of doing it on this shoot. It was an edgy, difficult scene to tackle; it involved Jimmy and I switching with each other (which was an enormous challenge, as neither of us are particularly switchy); and I had quite clear ideas about what I wanted, which put a certain amount of pressure on the scene.

When it came to it, though, we were on a roll: we were running not only on time, but (unheard of!) ahead of schedule; the three of us had clicked as well as I'd hoped we would, and our improv was flowing effortlessly; Jimmy and I were both on a high from the previous two scenes, and keen to push the boat out a little.

I haven't looked at the footage yet, so I'll save my comments about how well it went until I've done the editing. But from an actor's, rather than a producer's, point of view, this film was amazing. It was so hot I was actually wet afterwards (slightly weird given Jimmy and I have more of a brother/sister dynamic than a serious flirtation). It was intense and edgy and brilliant. I am so, so glad we did it.

The scenario goes, roughly, like this: a young couple are in detention again for breaking the school's six inch rule. Their teacher has punished them for making out behind the bikesheds, in the broom cupboard and everywhere else countless times - she is sick of the sight of them. She has loads of marking to do, and she honestly doesn't believe that another spanking from her will teach either of them a lesson.

So she comes up with a new approach. Knowing how fond they are of each other, she instructs each of them to spank the other one in turn. If the spanking is insufficiently severe, she will take over and give the victim a sound, no-nonsense over-the-knee spanking that will leave them red and sore. The other will then have to follow suit, and make sure it's hard enough this time - or the whole process will start all over again.







I ended up going over Jimmy's knee twice and Zoe's once, for an excruciatingly fast and painful dose of the hairbrush. By the time it was my turn to spank Jimmy, I knew better than to try and be lenient. But every stroke I dealt him made me wince. I couldn't bear the knowledge I was hurting him. It was tense and squirmy and horrible, and both of us cried, and beneath the character I loved every second of it. I think Jimmy did too :)

the implements left behind

I have a confession to make: I still haven't unpacked my suitcase from the shoot with Jimmy and Zoe. Since then there has been New Year with D, work, and several days spent hibernating in bed and cuddling a heat-seeking kitten, rather than venturing out into the cold of my flat to do housework. The suitcase is still, in fact, behind me as I write this, bulging with unfolded school uniform, stockings, shoes and implements.

The implements are all my nicest ones, because I wanted Jimmy's introduction to video to be reasonably gentle. My Mason & Pearson hairbrush, my soft two-tailed tawse, my black leather paddle, my ruler and my two canes - all of these are still packed.

I realised the downside of this when Tom started spanking me last night, and the only implements left in my toybox were the nasty ones. The ones I thought would be too harsh to use on Jimmy's first shoot. The wooden clothes brush, the little round bath brush, and the heavy brown leather tawse.

It had started gently enough. I leaned in for a kiss; the kiss turned into a longer kiss, and then his hands were slipping underneath my warm winter pyjamas and tugging the bottoms down. I was entirely willing to roll onto my front, bare cheeks exposed and the rest of me still snuggled in duvet and bedclothes. I hugged the pillows with both arms and made appreciative sounds as he started to spank me.

One slow, loving, teasing spanking later, I was pushing my hips back for more. He helped me kneel up properly, back arched and bottom offered submissively, and started to step up the pace. Tom's hands can really pack a wallop, and at each harder smack I would yelp and twisting away before quickly returning to position. I didn't want him to stop, but I couldn't manage to stay still, either. I found myself being held tight against his hip, one arm around my waist. I loved the feeling of being kept in position, helpless as he dealt me a slow series of hard, stinging, fleshy smacks.

Then I was on my hands and knees in the middle of the bed, breathless and turned on, but knowing that I wouldn't be able to keep my bottom nicely arched for him if he continued at that force. Tom reached behind him and brought the bath brush out of the toybox. It looks small, but it's fiercely stingy and quickly becomes unbearable if used fast. I may have whimpered involuntarily.

"Get in position, love," he said kindly.

"May I have some pillows?" I asked nervously.

"You may."

Being able to rest my tummy on pillows made it easier to stay put, and the first few strokes weren't too bad. By the end of the spanking, though, the stinging brush was getting really difficult to take. I was crying out and grabbing at the sheets, and Tom's target was moving around more than it should have been. But he wasn't finished yet.

"Stay there," he told me. "I'm going to give you six with this." I sneaked a peek and was horrified to see that he was holding the heavy brown tawse. It's made of a stiff, thick leather, and leaves wide stripes that burn and throb, all along their length, for many breaths after the first unbearable blaze of sting.

Serves me right, I suppose, for not having more palatable implements to hand in the bedroom.

His voice and hands were soothing, though, as he reassured me that I was only getting six, and I wouldn't have to count them or thank him, just make sure I returned to position after each stroke. I nodded. I didn't think of disobeying. I didn't want to disobey. I felt safely cradled by his firm authority; comforted by the love in our power exchange. But I knew this was going to hurt.

It did. It really, really hurt. I tried to stay quiet and still for the first few, absorbing the pain with my breath, feeling the energy shudder through my body. But the last three made me yell and jump up. I didn't need reminding to get back into position each time, but my whole body was shaking as I lifted my bottom for the next explosion of pain. Each time my obedience was rewarded with a rough, tingling rub almost as painful as another smack, but which I welcomed nonetheless.

There was an even better reward waiting for me when it was over, though. A counterpoint to the heavy, thuddy tawse in the form of a certain cat toy. This hadn't made it into the shoot suitcase as it doesn't really have the right look for domestic or school discipline - a happy accident. He proceeded to set my tenderised bottom alight with tiny, stinging strokes that quickly had me moaning in pleasure. Afterwards he said he hadn't been sure how I was reacting to it, so let me state for the record that it was pure, erotic deliciousness.

I would never have chosen that bath brush or that tawse for a consensual, loving spanking scene - but D/s isn't always about my choices, and he was gentle where it counted. When I'm able to let go and submit to it, I love to be pushed, to submit to his choices even through my fear. It makes the fun stuff that happens next so much more satisfying.

Ms Howard's little girl

Before we got to the exciting F/mf scenes with Jimmy, Zoe and I filmed some custom age-play clips which a reader had asked for. They were very squirmy.

out with the old, in with the new

Happy new year! I hope 2010 has been good to you all so far, and that the coming year brings you joy and satisfaction.

Graham has raised the question of kinky resolutions, and although I hadn't really thought about it, I realised I do in fact have some. Like Pixie, I don't like the false custom of new years resolutions, but I am a bit of a self-improvement nut and I put huge amounts of energy and determination into pursuing my dreams. So the new year isn't the only time I make resolutions, but it's a useful time to take stock and look back on what I've achieved.

2009 has been a massive year for me in some ways, and low-key in others. I've put most of my energy into work and creative projects - both kinky and vanilla. This has left less energy for socialising, meeting new people and lovers, and spending quality time with my partners. (I suspect I'll be chasing after that elusive perfect balance all my life.) I've managed to squeeze in more than I thought I could, but it's been a draining year as well as a successful one, and it would be nice to use 2010 to rejuvenate rather than drive myself further into exhaustion.

Still, it's been worth it. In the past year I have:

• filmed with Pain4Fem in Slovakia, which included taking the most severe cold caning of my life
  
  



• been a petgirl, and modelled at BoundCon - including doing a stage show, and playing with someone I'd only met that evening
  
  



• experienced the bullwhip (not hard) and watched it used on someone else (extremely hard...)


• played with some wonderful new people, including kinky sisters Graham and Caroline Grey (not at the same time, alas)
  
  



• written and produced a film for Roué, which involved casting one of my all-time favourite spanking models in one of my all-time favourite fantasies (words cannot describe the buzz I got from this!)
  
  



• started filming content for my own spanking site - a process which was slower than I'd have liked thanks to my heavy workload, but I'm pleased with my progress nonetheless.


• modelled for explicit sexual content ('hard b/g') for the first time, also for my new site. This consisted of D and I doing what we normally do, while Tricia and her camera made herself invisible in the background. There was much giggling. It was extremely hot, and the pictures turned out way better than I expected.


• edited video for the first time


• met and made porn with Zille and Malc, people I have been wanting to meet since I first started reading Zille's blog


• joined Zoe Montana as an "extra" in her private sessions, as her plaything being punished alongside her clients, although the gentlemen themselves weren't allowed to spank me. This was a thrilling and rewarding experience, not least because of Zoe's and my electric connection when we're working together. It's reinforced my impression that 1-2-1 sessions are not my thing, and there are probably very few tops/switches I would be comfortable doing this "cheat" with, but the experience was very worthwhile, and all the more precious because I knew it wouldn't last long.


• invested my own hard-earned money on my new site, including buying cameras and related gadgets, hiring tech people and actors. Financial independence is a huge deal to me; being able to spend my own money on a new business even more so. It makes me feel thrilled and grownup and excited, and I wish I could afford to do it more often.

So what's in store for 2010? Well, although I'm a compulsive planner, in some ways 2010 is a big unknown. There's some stuff in the pipeline which, if it happens, will dramatically change my life, but which I don't want to talk about until it's confirmed. Some things I can be sure of, though:

• One way or another, Tom and I intend to finally move in together this year. This is a source of great comfort and joy to me: living alone has been massively important and significant, but more and more I find myself thinking life would be so much easier if I could come home to him. Given how much I cram into my weeks, and his chronic illness, time and energy to play is hard to find, and both of us feel this would be much easier if we didn't have to plan and travel and schedule time together, we could just seize the moment when it arose. If and when this happens, I hope that domestic spankings will become a much more regular feature of our lives.
  
  Related to this is the fact that since our relationship has become less angsty and more settled, we haven't tried to rejuvenate the domestic discipline which was a feature of our first passionate fling. I'm older and prouder now, and less inclined to take instruction, but I still feel an urge to be submissive to my partners in more than just the bedroom, and I could certainly still benefit from a little instruction now and then. In particular, I think D/s has the potential to really help with my anxiety, and I could always use a little assistance with exercise and time management. (My problem these days is working too much rather than not enough, but balancing work and leisure continues to be an area I need to focus on.) I don't think either of us has grand ambitions of a sudden lifestyle upheaval, and I don't think I'll ever be a lifestyle slave, but we both accept there isn't space in our lives to develop this aspect of our relationship at present, and we would both cherish the chance to do so.
  
  Of course, with all these changes it is just as important to me not to compromise my relationship with D, and to remain as committed to him as ever. He's not as interested in this sort of formal domestic power exchange, but our connection is equally powerful. I love him deeply and he improves my life more than I can say. Whatever happens, I don't want to lose what we share.



• My main professional ambition this year, of course, is to launch my new site. I don't know if this is achievable - everything is dependent on my vanilla work, which I depend on financially, and which (because I'm self-employed) is so unpredictable. If I don't have time (or funds) to invest in developing my site, such is life - there's nothing I can do about that except work hard, save as much as I can, and be patient. My effort and focus is not the issue so much as opportunity. I trust myself to do my best, and I understand that if it doesn't happen, it will not be for lack of trying. But I would dearly like to see all my work so far come to fruition this calendar year.



• Despite working with many wonderful women over the years through shoots, I have never successfully developed a private D/s connection with a woman. My play with Zoe has all been professional - despite the intensity of our connection, it's never crossed over into the personal sphere. My girlfriends have, almost without exception, been submissive, and while I've dated some switches, I've never seriously played with a female lover. (The one exception is the beautiful and impressive Olivia Manners, but although I admire her a great deal, our first attempt to play somehow didn't really click, probably because my head was in a strange place at the time. I like the idea that we might try again at some point, but so far I don't think it quite counts as successful D/s.)
  
  All this is by way of build up to the fact that for the last few weeks, I have been enjoying an intense flirtation with a gorgeous toppish woman I have fancied for some time. We've done lots of flirting at group social events, stayed up late talking, stolen some tantalising end-of-the-night kisses, and we've even done all the sensible negotiation stuff by email (including my wibbling about how I've never subbed to a woman and ARGH what if my head is BROKEN blah blah, in response to which she said all the right things). In fact, so far we've done everything except actually play, but we have a date next Wednesday and I am ridiculously excited. She's as inexperienced with CP as I am at subbing to women, so we're going to be learning together, and our connection seems honest and playful and open, and all the omens so far are good. I will hopefully let you know how it goes - after checking that she doesn't mind me writing about it, of course. So hopefully I will be able to fulfil that ambition very soon in the year indeed, and spend the rest of the year basking in my success. We'll see!

So there you have it. How about you? Was 2009 a good year for you, kink-wise? And what do you have in mind for 2010?