stress, and stress relief

Apologies for the radio silence over the last few days. I'm jobhunting at the moment, and it's taking all my time. Yes, that's right, the self-employed model/artist/designer may be selling out. Freelance work is thin on the ground, and I don't know whether to blame the credit crunch or if my good luck has finally run out.

If there's one thing freelancing has taught me it's that fortune favours the opportunistic, and I'm hoping that that includes knowing when to cut your losses and look for some bread-and-butter work. Ideally, I'll find something part-time which will allow me to continue booking shoots and working on my own projects, but at this stage I'm open to the possibility of a full-time job if it seems interesting.

I don't think this means the death of my modelling career ... although if I'm working it might slow down a little as I'm limited to weekends and booked holiday. (That said, if any of you want to commission an artwork or a website, feel free to email me and let me know ..)

With all this stress and worry about work, I really need a spanking. I earned a brisk over-the-knee spanking on the bare from D the other day, for giving him a filthy look he didn't deserve. It was a fair cop - I was very tired and I had totally overreacted. The spanking stung my bottom and my pride, but there was something lovely about justice being swiftly meted out.

The annoying thing is that I'm probably so tired and stressed that I don't know if playing would work until I'm feeling calmer. Sometimes CP is the perfect thing to lift me out of a fretful mood. And sometimes I'm so wound up I can't submit at all.

I was daydreaming earlier about being caned. Not the slow, formal kind of caning you get in school stories. A play caning - only for his pleasure, not mine. I visualised myself on all fours on the bed, bottom lifted over a bolster and hands on the mattress, head flung back. I imagined the thin cane whipping down on my raised bottom, striping it again and again. I would cry out at the fierce sting of it, but the pain would be mixed with the bewildering joy of knowing I was pleasing my lord. I would twist and cry as the strokes whipped down faster, but I wouldn't break away. I would be taut as a bowstring, a the A string on a cello, bowed by the cane with swift strokes that leave me humming.

Could I take it right now, with my head all jangled and my body exhausted? Maybe not. But the idea is tantalising - and, somehow, soothing. Strange comfort.

pulling her hair

There are several things I love about this spanking photo from the 1920s. The hair-pulling, first and foremost - one of my favourite things in real scenes, and I don't get to see it nearly often enough in photos. The happy little smile on the sadist's face reminds me of my own sadists, and contrasts deliciously from his sub's obvious discomfort. This seems much more real than a lot of the vintage spanking photos I've seen.

Then there's the way the power relationship is made explicit in both the photo's composition and the body language of the models: the sub on all fours at the bottom of the frame, naked except for some scraps of underwear that only serve to emphasise her nakedness; and the top standing, fully clothed, above her. And the position of his hand on her bottom invites curiosity about quite how intimately he's caressing her...

you're doing it wrong

There's an odd tendency in vintage spanking erotica towards spankees with saintlike, patient expressions, eyes lifted heavenward, perhaps in an attempt to convey an impression of penitence. Unfortunately, the result is often a scene in which the girl being punished looks bored out of her brain:





In fact, in both these pictures the spankee seems to be an anonymous sidekick to the cute little spankers who are the focus of attention. Both of them look deliciously cross, a bit hot and flustered, and utterly adorable. I'd normally expect to see pouts like that on the face of the girl being spanked - in fact, if the facial expressions of the two girls were reversed, these pictures would both make slightly more sense (the eyes glancing heavenward could perhaps be read as an expression of tested patience on the face of the spanker).

The girl in the first is showing off her perfect breasts to such fine advantage that one might be forgiven for supposing that the photographer was more interested in this part of her anatomy than her victim's posterior. (Given the matching spotty pyjamas in these two photos, they may well have both been taken on the same shoot.) F/m fans are used to the domme stealing all the limelight, but this is the first time I've seen it in F/f.

unlikely spam

Normally I'm quite good at telling the difference between spam and real correspondence just from the subject lines. Recently, though, a few have surprised me:

Sender: Gremler Kendrix
Subject: "At the third strokee..." - time for a new voice
(Until I clicked through and realised that this was spam, for a moment there I thought someone was emailling me suggesting I should be the voice for a spanko speaking clock. Now there's an idea.)

Sender: Beatme Whipme
Subject: Swimsuits Solved at Lands' End
(The subject seems to be spam, but the sender gave me pause... I should have trusted the subject.)

Sender: Robert Sexton
Subject: Bondage - please read (September 19, 2008)
(Nothing about bondage in the actual email, disappointingly.)

Those spambots really do know me far too well.

spank 'em spank 'em

My friend J sent me the links to this strange Japanese game. It's called "Boong-Ga Boong-Ga", which apparently translates as "Spank 'em Spank 'em". It looks... very odd.

The game is called Boong-Ga Boong-Ga, aka Spank'em, and the objective is simple, ram a plastic finger up a virtual ass as hard as you can. The cabinet features a mold of a bent over backside, and a screen that displays the expression of the person your ravaging. The harder you shove, the more the character screams in pain, all while you score points.

I don't know when "spank" became synonymous with "anally violate"¹, but apparently it's is therapeutic:

According to the brochure the purpose of this games creation is to relieve stress caused by the people that make your life miserable. This means you get to violate characters like ex-boyfriends, child molesters, and even your mother-in-law just to name a few.

And the prize for a succesful attack? A small plastic heap of faeces.

I think I'll stick to spanking, myself.

1. The Wikipedia page helpfully explains that the act in question is kancho, a popular prank similar to a goose or wedgie.

Snow White

Beverly Bacci, a fetish model who's worked for Punished Brats and Clare Fonda, recently did a wardrobe clearout. She didn't want to give her used knickers to a charity shop, but didn't want to throw them away either as some of them were pretty expensive. (Why would anyone get rid of expensive knickers? So what if her knicker drawer was full? Have two knicker drawers!) Anyway, since several of the knickers were ones she'd worn in spanking videos, she thought there might be some interest in them from fellow spankos. So she posted pics of them on her blog and invited her readers to place bids and pervy requests.

To be honest, although she's gorgeous, I'm not interested in creamed knickers - they're pretty and I want to wear them myself, damnit. So I said I couldn't afford a cash bid, but I would trade her some used knickers for some art of her. She said bring it on.

Beverly is a crazier cat than I, and works in a lot of off-the-wall genres - balloon-popping, belly-punching, and necro-fetish¹ being some of the more weird and wonderful. And she's got black hair, so I thought hey, I'll paint her as Snow White.



It's fairly well known these days how gruesome and horrific the real old fairy tales are, but if any of them is necro-porn, it's Snow White. In the original story she's murdered three times by her beautiful, jealous step-mother! Who tries to eat her heart and drink her blood! The dwarves display her corpse in a glass coffin because she's so pretty and sexy when she's dead! So pretty and sexy that the handsome prince tries to snog her! While she's dead! Come on, tell me this isn't a story with a serious corpse kink.

Anyway, I hope Beverly likes the picture enough to give me some of her panties.

1. I admit I'm slightly uneasy about murder fetish, but who am I to judge? Thinking it through, necro-porn is to murder as spanking porn is to assault or child abuse. As long as the porn is staged and fair trade, I think its existence is a positive thing, because it provides a safe outlet, just like roleplay does.

40 inch plus

I'm a proud member of the 40 inch plus club. It never occurred to me to take a picture to prove it, though.

I don't know why this photo seems so suggestive to me. Is it just the round bottom? Or is it a subtle association of tape measure with ruler?

(I suppose you could whip someone with a tape measure... You'd just want to be careful of the metal end. I wonder how effective it would be?)

Abigail and Audrey

Wow, thankyou so much to everyone who has left a comment about the blogiversary video! I'm really glad that so many of you liked it :) Sadly, my server is rather less happy about it, as I think I might have exceeded my bandwidth. Whoops. Everything went down a few minutes ago, but I won't be able to make phonecalls to try and get it sorted until the morning. I may lose emails between now and then, so it might be worth resending anything if I haven't got back to you in a couple of days.

In the meantime, here's a new spanking site you might like. Spank That Brat is the F/f site of a genuine DD couple, Abigail Whittaker of Firm Hand Spanking fame, among others, and her gorgeous girlfriend Audrey Knight.

The girls have recently made a splash doing a joint shoot for Dallas Spanks Hard, in which Audrey first gave her sub a seeing to, and then apparently took a spanking herself from Dallas. (Why are men always so keen to show women "how it's done"?) Anyway, it may be irritating in real life, but it makes for a hot spanking scenario. By all accounts the video is pretty intense.

But I think I'm more interested in seeing what the girls do when left to their own devices. They're both stunning, they have a real-life chemistry and I think I have a crush on Audrey already. I will be following their progress with great interest :)

Edited to say that I keep choosing my mind about which photos to post with this entry, so I'm just going to post them all!

a celebratory caning (and tawsing)

Ta da!



If the above link doesn't work, you can download it via sendspace instead.

The definition is definitely an improvement on the miniDV we used last time - I'm really happy with the quality of this :) It's a shame that the natural light has bleached the colours out a bit, meaning it's hard to make out the lovely crimson marks you can see in the photos (although they're visible whenever the camera zooms in). I'm not very good yet at predicting how light levels etc will come out on camera. But I'll improve with practice :)

I'm still quite bewildered by the extent of these marks. I never mark up this much normally, although I don't get punished without a warmup often, so I suppose that makes all the difference. Mr C has decided he likes punishing me without a warmup, and also that he likes the senior tawse which I'd never had used on me before the first stroke that you see in this video. So I doubt that this time was the last. I am not at all sure that I approve of this turn of events.

Sadistic as he is, I do want to say thankyou to Mr C for being such a lovely, steadying disciplinarian and for giving me much needed kisses and cuddles, as well as the thrashing I had coming. Thanks also to J, our fantastic cameraman, who also found a location, drove us all there, and edited the file for me - you are an absolute star :) And of course, thanks to all you lot for taking part and being such good sports, particularly Prefectdt who had the original idea :)

Happy blogiversary to me! I hope you enjoy the clip :)

It is done.

Today I confronted the truth of the cliché that the anticipation is worse than the event. Not that the event was a picnic, mind you. But getting ready for the punishment, thinking about it in the shower last night, knowing it was coming this morning when I woke up, driving there in the car, drinking tea while we waited for the cleaner to leave, setting up lights - all that was like teetering on the brink of a precipice, shaky with vertigo. When the caning started my hands were sweating so much that they slid about on the polished wooden windowseat. I struggled to keep my balance.

But once it started, it was like abseiling off the edge. Taking the leap. Suspended in midair, knowing that the ropes would hold me. Or Thomas, in this case, who had everything under control, including me.

While we were getting ready and setting up it was my project. I was in charge. And anticipating the pain from that vantagepoint was horrible. Once we started, I wasn't in charge any more. I could let go. And it hurt, of course it hurt. But I welcomed the pain. It was good to finally get it done.

I'm very, very tired now (immediately after the shoot I had a two hour life-modelling session involving bondage and some demanding poses, which has left all my muscles trembling) so forgive me if this doesn't make sense. I'll post the video as soon as I can.

The Bells of Whipstock

I wonder if any of my blog readers own vintage copies of Janus Magazine? I've received a request by email from a reader, who's trying to track down issues dating from 1973-1975:

If memory serves, it was about then that there was a regular comic strip entitled THE BELLS OF WHIPSTOCK (Jennifer Bell, eventually a prefect etc.)

Whilst the artwork is not quite in the same league as that of Paula Meadows, these items are well worth a look, I hope you may agree.

I don't think I've ever seen those issues of Janus, and my curiosity has definitely been piqued. Are there any collectors out there who might be able to help?

Sierra sun

It's well and truly autumn in London, and I'm pining for the sun. I was going through some old files this evening and came across this photo Tom took of me last year. We were near the top of the Sierra Nevada mountain range in Andalucia. It was beautifully sunny, even in November - I wish we could go back this autumn, but sadly we're both too busy to go away again this year.

The warm climate of southern Spain made al fresco spanking seem more than usually inviting. We didn't manage much actual spanking underneath this tree as my parents were within hearing distance (!), but had time for a quick pose and a few smacks, although unfortunately there was no-one else around who could take photos of those.

It's never easy finding time to play on a family holiday - but we did the best we could. Whenever they went out to the shops or for a walk on the beach, I was whisked over his knee or the arm of a sofa for a few fleeting spanks with hand or wooden hairbrush. I'm not usually a fan of quickie spankings, as it can take me a while to relax into a submissive headspace (and much as I love her, my mother's company does tend to make me feel particularly unsubmissive). I found myself longing for a few uninterrupted hours to indulge our cravings. Although there was something delightfully teenage about sneaking around behind my parents' backs :)

Thankfully, we did manage to get one evening to ourselves by going out alone for a meal. We behaved ourselves in the restaurant, but the deserted beach afterwards could tell you a very different story ...

Night of the Senses

D. and I are lucky enough to be attending the Erotic Awards Ceremony in London next week, to support our friend Niki Flynn in her nomination for Best Writer. Fingers crossed that the judges show excellent taste and award her the title she richly deserves. Either way, though, the night promises to be a good one, as the ceremony takes place at a grand fetish ball - billed as a "sexual carnival, an erotic wonderland" - called Night of the Senses.

I'm sure we'll find something to amuse us among the various entertainments on offer - from the Roissy Dungeon to the Grope Box, the Tantric Cavern and even (apparently) Messy Cake Fights. The kinky cabaret sounds promising and I'm looking forward to discovering what the Women's Womb involves. I've never been to this event before, but Turner Prize winner, artist Grayson Perry wrote a whole page about the Erotic Awards in The Times, describing them as "The good people in a gloriously mucky business". The event is designed to promote inclusivity and diversity, not only for the queer, genderfucked, and the gloriously perverted, novices and old-timers alike, but it's one of the few erotic events to put a particular emphasis on the inclusion of disabled people.

I'll be interested to see how the event organisers cope with the spiral staircase at their chosen venue, Mass/Babalou, which is inconvenient even for the able-bodied (particularly if you're wearing fetish heels). The Erotic Awards have always had a strong emphasis on access, with an annual award being given for disability-friendly site design. In fact, the Night of the Senses is the main fundraiser for the Outsider's Trust, the charity for disabled people to enjoy sexual pleasure and form relationships.

Ticket sales are low this year; we're in the middle of a recession, after all, and it's not a cheap night out at £60 a head. However, most of that money goes on the entertainments and Outsiders, to which the event donates an average of £12,000 a year. This is possible because all the organisers, stewards and hosts are volunteers.

The Night of the Senses encourages a spirit of hedonism and autonomy. As it happens, fellow spanking blogger Natty was writing only yesterday about the prevalence of white, privileged, able-bodied, middle-class people in literary as well as visual porn. People lacking these privileges deserve porn which represents their identities and desires just as queer people, trans people, kinky people deserve porn which caters to them. These are not minorities any more than fat people are a minority, but our culture would prefer them to be invisible.

As a member of the privileged group, I find it difficult to write porn from the POV of a person of colour, or a disabled person, because I would feel presumptuous writing from supposition rather than experience. Individuals from these groups deserve to be given their own voice, not to be represented by an able-bodied white girl. I can't try to fill these gaps in the sex industry alone. But I can show support to inclusive writers such as Jacqueline Applebee, who works tirelessly to promote bisexual visibility in porn, disabled visibility, coloured visibility. Characters for whom these traits are incidental, background information rather than a central plot point. Characters for whom these traits are not quirky, not problematic, just the way that person is and part of their sex appeal. What we need are more pornographers and more writers, more spanking models and site owners, from these social demographics. We need more disabled adult models who are not fetishised for their disability, but simply expressing their desires in the same way I am. The Outsider's Trust supports the same goals.

If you're thinking of going to a fetish event this year, please consider spending your money on a good cause as well as a good time. Night of the Senses offers big reductions for groups of 5 and concessions, and the ticket price includes the Little Book of Delights as a memento of the evening. And you get the chance to meet Niki and me. I hope I'll see some of you there :)

Lite spankings

Remember my claim that spanking is becoming more mainstream in the press? I've seen more and more mentions of our favourite topic in the papers, and with one notable exception, the coverage is mostly tolerant. Ignorant, yes, and any discussion of sexuality that doesn't try to turn the whole topic into a joke is still rare, but that's British prudery for you. Humour is one of the oldest responses to discomfort, after all.

I don't read the free London papers often - they're worst than the tabloids for small-minded bigotry, consumer mania and celebrity obsession - but I found myself on the bus tonight with nothing to read except the abandoned copy of the London Lite on the seat beside me. Imagine my surprise when I discovered not one, but two startles within its pages.

The first was an article about Kate Moss's first appearance on the catwalk after a four year absence alongside Beth Ditto. The photo showed Kate wearing a dashing top hat and carrying a sleek black walking cane; the caption read Whipping girl: Kate Moss gave Ditto a "thrashing". I assumed this was a bad pun until I read the article:

When the show started, [Kate] ran to the side of the stage and grabbed a top hat and whip from the rails. She then started whipping Beth for fun, more as a kind of show. She was overheard joking "I'm going to be your pimp tonight". After the show Kate took Beth to her North London pad to continue the party.

I sincerely hope Beth Ditto was a willing participant in all this ... but if so, I've have loved to be a fly on the wall at that party.

So I was thinking about how the symbols of burlesque and BDSM have become increasingly fashionable, and how trendsetting supermodels have the freedom to be publically outrageous in ways that lesser mortals can't.

Then I turned the page, and found this in the letters section:

Really, what a lot of babies all those X-Factor judges are! If my children sniped at each other and generally behaved like they do, I would have to spank their bottoms and make them stand in the corner for an hour or two.

Which is pretty much the opposite end of the spectrum to celebrities prancing around on stage. And I don't approve of the use of corporal punishment on children. But those are the kinds of words that have sent a thrill down my spine since I was first able to read, and I wasn't expecting to find them in the London Lite, of all places.

So Kate Moss pretending to cane Beth Ditto on stage is sexy, funny and glamourous? You have to wonder what the same journalists would think of me reading that sentence on the opinions page, and getting all squirmy.

Roger paints

A couple of years ago I modelled for a fine artist specialising in burlesque and erotic nudes. He didn't paint me from life - I posed for photos, which the artist later used to paint from (I prefer to work the same way when I'm painting, there's much less time pressure). The resulting painting can be seen on his website, here:


"Pandora's Break", 2006

(As far as I know, it's still for sale.)

As an artist, I remain impressed. This is classic art nude, but the photoshoot included some poses which were really quite kinky. It's a shame that Roger hasn't painted any of those up, but there's plenty of other paintings in his gallery which explore some of our favourite topics:


"How Long Can She Last", 2008


"The Lady Loves to Play", 2008


"Taking Hold", 2008

If this is your sort of thing, there's lots more images on his website. I really enjoyed posing for him, and I think the paintings are excellent.