Halloween Switchery

I'd hoped to have more time to blog this week, but it's all go in my offline world. I've just met Catherine Thomas for the first time, which was a treat, and there's been lots of Halloween-related foolery. We donned witches' hats for a party last night (hardly counts as a proper costume - goth plus a pointy hat, basically) and there's another tonight, which I'm considering going to as Eve.

In the meantime, there's not been much time for kink, although you'd be surprised at how masochistic it is to spend three hours scooping the flesh out of pumpkins to carve - my poor bruised and blistered hand is only just recovering. Lucky I'm not a spanker, really.

So I'll leave you with another audio snippet which I recorded a couple of weeks ago, and have been saving up for the appropriate day. Like the last poem, this is by my correspondent Jim, and has me taking a rather toppier role...

Switchery (1:30)
(Click to play or download)


(Thanks to RohrstockPalast for the photo!)

SpankingCast Episode 10: “Adventures at a spanking shoot”

Work this week is ridiculous, but thanks to the Spanking Writers' podcast, I managed to sneak in a kinky moment yesterday with their latest episode. Haron (AKA Adele Haze) was talking about the shoot we did on Monday, and I was pleased to hear that she had all good things to say about it. We approve of happy models.

If you want to hear some sexy descriptions of some of the things we got up to, and a sneak preview of three of the scenarios, check it out:

SpankingCast Episode 10: "Adventures at a spanking shoot"

Pipedreams and priorities

I realised a few weeks ago that even if I spent a day a week working on my spanking site, I wouldn't have a chance of launching it by Christmas. Now it's nearly the end of October, and I wouldn't be able to manage it even if I could find two days a week. Which I can't; I'm gradually catching up on my perennial work backlog (generated by an inability to say no to things, too many partners forming tempting startups which of course I want to help out with, and a bizarre insistence on working to make pipedream projects happen rather than simply relegating them to the "some day" pile) but my to do list still has a depressing number of things on it which have a higher priority than my fairtrade kinky porn project.

When I realised that 2010, like 2009, was going to end with this site still in its long gestation, I felt very down in the dumps about it. I cursed myself for my inability to focus, for not working hard enough to get everything else done (although I know this is bollocks really), for making poor decisions in giving my time this year to other people's projects and causes. But I'm not very suited to regret. By the time I'd slept on it, I was feeling a lot more zen about my choices this year. My baby spanking site may not be born yet, but I haven't been wasting my time. And although I'm always frustrated by not being able to make as much progress as I'd like with any one project, I'd rather lead a rich and varied life than spend all my time on one thing.

It's okay, anyway; people rarely have money to spend just after Christmas. A March launch date makes more economic sense in some ways. It certainly doesn't mean I'm a failure. (I won't be surprised if the March date falls by the wayside as well, but giving myself deadlines is one of the ways I prioritise between all the tempting conflicting demands on my time. And the nice thing about setting deadlines for yourself is that it's alright if they slip; as long as the deadline spurs you to focus, it's served its purpose.)

When I was still aiming for a Christmas launch, I'd pledged to myself that I wasn't allowed to spend any more time shooting (the fun sociable part) until I'd caught up on editing, admin, site design and development (the time-consuming solitary parts). It's not like I don't enjoy these things, but somehow I found myself producing another shoot before I'd made much more in the way of progress with the rest of it. It was easy to find excuses - oh, well, this venue is probably available for a limited time only, and I should make the most of it while I have access to it; I need some better promotional images in order to do the web design - but the truth is that shooting is exciting and exhilirating and involves having kinky fun with lovely people, and all the rest of it involves long hours I have to spend at my desk.

I'd like to say that the stills shoot yesterday was definitely DEFINITELY the last shoot I'm producing until all the rest of the work is done, and I am going to spend my time working on the site and editing the backlog rather than planning more exciting future shoots. But I know that's not true. I'm already planning another video shoot in December. Guiltily. But I shall assuage my conscience by doing lots of editing AS WELL. Then the next shoot clearly won't be procrastination on the other work, but a reward to myself for making progress.

--

But you guys don't want to hear all about my prioritising troubles, you want to hear about the shoot yesterday. I'm getting the pics back from the photographer in a couple of weeks, so I'll leave proper scene descriptions til I have some images to illustrate them with. In the meantime:

- I'm getting better at this. Quite a lot of planning went into this one, although the callsheet still only went out on Saturday night (but everyone had had advance notice of the costume they needed to bring, so that wasn't the end of the world). I feel like every shoot I produce goes more smoothly. There was almost no stress or faff on the day. We kept to schedule and got through five different set-ups in under eight hours, with time for lunch and tidying (not bad when we had to dress each set individually for a different historical period and flavour). I'd written an additional scene to be fitted in before lunch if we could, but by late morning we were running slightly behind, so I cut it, which meant we started the afternoon ahead of schedule. We actually finished the day half an hour earlier than I'd planned, which made me wonder if I shouldn't have left the extra scene in after all - but having more time is no bad thing, and that scene will work just as well on a future video shoot.

- This was stills only, and so very much in my comfort zone as an artist - although it was, bizarrely, the first stills-only shoot I've produced/directed. Strange to realise that. I hadn't directed other models before, but I've been directed a lot and had a very clear vision about what I wanted, so it came quite naturally. Tom directed part of one scene and most of another, since he knows much more about either 19th century ceremonial magic or fencing choreography than I do.

- I found it much easier to bottom while directing stills than I have to bottom while directing video. Because I was directing, I found the pain much harder to take than when I'm simply modelling, and can immerse myself more fully, but because it was stills, there was much more opportunity to react out of character if a stroke was too painful, or to pause to collect myself. If I reacted to a hard stroke with, say, an annoyed yell rather than a submissive whimper, it didn't ruin the dynamic of the scene, because the camera didn't record it. And I could ask Tom to pause between strokes of the strap to give my bottom a rub without having to call "cut". Because of the increased opportunities for out of character conversation between shots, modelling for stills is much more compatible with directing than modelling for video.

- Daniel R was amazing to work with, and totally unflappable despite not having shot spanking material before. He got what I was trying to do, he was professional, efficient, calm, and amazingly good at lighting - the darker atmospheric scenes with candlelight came out so much better than I'd hoped, and I know how hard that is. I was really happy with the shots I saw on his computer screen, and can't wait to see the finished results. Thanks so much to him and his partner for all their hard work yesterday. I was able to hand the lighting tech completely over to them, and it made my job so much easier.

- It is such a privilege to be able to work with close friends. I knew what all my models were capable of, I trusted them, I didn't have to worry about them, I didn't have to feel guilty for spending valuable social time working, because I knew I'd see lots of them anyway - it was just really emotionally easy. Plus they all share my vision, and so I can trust them creatively to strive for the same aims as me. Working with new people is wonderful, but it's different, and it's definitely more effort. This felt very natural and straightforward, and this week I really needed that.

Because we were doing stills only, I took the opportunity to do some scenes which would be difficult to shoot on video. The aforementioned fencing choreography, for instance; or the Magician's Apprentice scene I shot with Adele, Tom and Jimmy, which included a special effect which would be beyond my skills on video, but which was easy to produce in stills. I was also able to persuade Tom and Jimmy to do some M/m work, which made Adele and I very happy, but which I don't think they'd be comfortable doing on video. Having done the stills versions successfully, though, I now think that the other three out of yesterday's five scenes would be doable on video, so it's possible we'll revisit those at some point.

I've decided that I'll let myself blog about specific scenarios in detail when (and only when) I've got each one ready to publish, in the hopes that this will motivate me to get the post-production done promptly. For now, I'll just post this photo I took on my cameraphone between takes, of Adele and Jimmy being very sweet as the magician's apprentice and his new girlfriend (who is, unbeknownst to him, also the magician's apprentice-to-be):

Love our Lurkers V

It's that time of year again - the spankosphere's annual Love our Lurkers day, organised by the inimitable Bonnie of My Bottom Smarts. Today is the day when we invite you to say hello, especially if you haven't commented before.

I've had a great response to this on previous years, and I think it's a tradition that's well worth keeping. Like all bloggers, I'm motivated to keep writing by the amazing responses and feedback I get. If I didn't get any comments, I'd have given up long ago. Through keeping this blog I've made some brilliant friends - and been continually surprised by the empathy and thoughtfulness of the responses I get. I started this blog as a professional spanking model, thinking that people wouldn't bother reading unless I kept it light, fluffy and sexy. Since then I've poured more and more of myself into this virtual space, and every time I peel back a new layer and reveal a new idea or feeling, I'm anxious about how it's going to go down. Surely my readers, I think, aren't interested in political rants or introspection about my body issues, or all the other decidedly unsexy things I post from time to time? And every time, I'm bowled over by the warmth, generosity and intelligence of my responses. You guys are awesome. I'm honoured to have so engaging and interesting an audience for my thoughts.

Even so, perhaps political debate or analysis about the nuts and bolts of kink isn't your thing. Perhaps you enjoy reading but don't feel you have much of interest to contribute. Well, you don't have to have anything unique or exciting to say today: I just want to know you're out there. Sometimes leaving the first comment can be a huge hurdle - hopefully, doing so on a day when everyone else is doing the same thing might make be a bit easier.

While I'm here, I just want to say a special thankyou to all the new commenters who have delurked over the last year, without having been prompted. It's been really great chatting to you, and every comment I get brightens my day a little. Thankyou for reading, thankyou for being interested, and I hope we have many great conversations to come. :)

If you haven't said hello yet, please do consider leaving a reply to this post - as brief as you like. If you want a topic to discuss, let me know if there's anything you'd like to see more or less of on this blog. Any preferences or opinions, ways it could be bettered or improved? If you haven't commented before, was there a reason or are you just not in the habit? You don't have to identify yourself - but I'd love to know you're there.

Bear Ass

I've written before about the real ale pump labels by ex-spanking model and erotic artist Lynn Paula Russell. Her recent work is well worth a look - I love the nature-based erotic pieces she's been producing lately:



But apparently, Ms Russell isn't the only kinky artist commissioned to create a beer pump label. Check out this naughty design from Beartown Brewery:



(Mine isn't bare at the moment though - it's far too cold. Brr! Maybe if it was covered in a lovely thick coating of warm bear fur...)

Asking for the cane

Saturday: I'm looking through an audio story a reader has sent me, so I can give them a quote for recording it. It's rather good. A first person narrative describing the protagonist's first memories and experiences of corporal punishment. It's restrained, believable; no florid, extended descriptions of unrealistically severe discipline. Instead, it describes all the context and relationships, anticipation, build-up and aftermath surrounding a few tiny events - each episode only involving one or two whacks - so trivial in the course of things, but to the protagonist (and the author ... and me) glowing with deep personal significance. The caning sequence in particular is so well-evoked that I find myself responding as I read it. This appeals to my tastes, alright. After I've replied to the email I have to nip off to bed for a few minutes to indulge the fantasy now crowding my head.

Later that night: Tom emerges from his room, over-worked and exhausted-looking. We collide over the kettle and I give him a hug. He's sleepy and bearlike, nuzzling and pawing affectionately as if I'd disturbed his hibernation. I hug him back tightly. "Do you know what I've been thinking about all day?" I murmur into his hair.

"Mmmm?"

"Being caned by you."

"Mm." He kisses me. "I'm getting there, slowly. It won't be too much longer now. I do have a bit more energy these days than I did."

"I know, I know, it wasn't a demand. I just wanted to let you know you were in my thoughts."

His health this summer has taught me a bit about patience, although it's still hardly my strong point. But I find it helpful to check in with him, to reassure each other we are still interested, still think of each other in kinky terms, even if playing isn't currently on the cards. It's positive reinforcement, and it helped keep me going during the months when even a spanking was too much to ask. I thought that getting a quick bottom rub in bed as he told me I was spankable would have made me acutely aware of what I was missing, but even that level of interaction eased the ache a little. Sometimes, when you really miss it, the tiniest spark of kinky interest can be enough.

--

Sunday: We're spending a lazy evening together, recovering from another mad, full working week. Lots of snuggling. It's good. I'm really not expecting anything, and so the surprise is all the nicer when I discover that he's feeling playful. I sit astride his lap in my pyjamas, cradled in his arms as we kiss; my top is pulled up, exposing my breasts to his big, rough hands.

Once over his lap I'm relieved when the spanking is slow, giving me time to unwrap the caning fantasy from the day before, hold it gently in my mind. I remember how much the idea of those few, harsh strokes turned me on, and the firm spanks warming my rear become easier to take. I breathe deeply and let the sensations wash over me.

It's a perfect nice spanking - right up until the end, when he makes me squirm and beg with a series of very slow, very hard smacks that crash into my arse so hard I can't think. When he finally stops I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself. But he makes it up to me: a lovely, light switching which lights up my tail and re-ignites my interest. When he lays down a few harder, stinging strokes with the whippy little switch the bite of them is a tantalising foretaste of the deeper sensation I've been craving.

Next, a satisfyingly solid, slow twelve with the leather paddle which I don't have to count - bliss. When he stops I crane back over my shoulder to see what he'll pick up next, willing it to be the cane. I'm eager and thoroughly warmed up. I earn myself a sharp glance for peeking, but to my delight we're on the same page. He's picked up one of the shorter, denser straight handled canes, medium thickness. He asks me to count.

"How many am I going to get, sir?" I venture.

"I haven't decided yet."

The first six whet my appetite. The next six fulfil it. Thirteen to eighteen, therefore, are a challenge, and I'm proud when I get through them. Each stroke is getting harder. Nineteen to twenty-four are hard, self-indulgently miserable, making me arch my back and half-jump up as I struggle to process the pain, count the heartbeats until I manage to bite out my thankyou.

Afterwards he's all warmth and praise. I'm not able to speak yet. I curl on my side in the crook of his arm, and he holds me close as I re-surface.

I don't get what I ask for every time, but when I do, I appreciate it all the more.

Power exchange, discipline and feedback loops

I really enjoyed this discussion on the Punishment Book earlier this week, in which Iris and Chris discussed what tops get out of a DD dynamic. It covered a number of fascinating points and I can recommend reading the whole post, but here are the bits that particularly interested me:

Iris: I'm a bit wary of setting up the punishment dynamic with [M] sometimes because I don't want to drain him too much. With you I get the sense that it feeds you in some way, perhaps in the same way it feeds me: not an entirely pleasant way, but a satisfying way.

Chris: I’d be lying if I didn’t say a part of me was a bit excited by the fact that you are in trouble. I have a hard time admitting that ... maybe that's why I've always been so adamant about not "enjoying" punishments. But, there is a part of me, like you say, which does feed off of that dynamic. I think we're both on the same page there. We don't like the actual event… but we both like the situation and what it represents. For me, as I’ve said before, it's largely the trust. We share something very close and special in that punishment context, and I feel very close and focused on you before, during and after a punishment.

Iris: So can I be so bold as to ask what you do get out of TTWD? For me it creates stability and security, it re-equilibrates me when I’m off kilter, and mostly, it makes me feel deeply loved. But what about you?

Chris: Good – and tough – question. Obviously, there are different things I get out of it in different settings and with different people, so I'll limit it to the punishment aspect with you. I think the biggest thing I get out of it is knowing that you trust me enough to let me punish you when you need it. I know you don’t enjoy the spanking and hairbrushing itself, and the fact that you do trust me to do it anyway is something I cherish. It does definitely create a closeness, intimacy and yes, love that doesn’t necessarily manifest in other ways. Beyond that, even during a punishment I enjoy the physical aspects of spanking and your reactions. Those reactions are very different from a fun spanking, but they feed the punishment fantasy as well without being "fake".

Lots of food for thought! I'm always impressed by how thoughtful and emotionally articulate so many kinksters are about their sexuality. I know it's not something perverts have a monopoly on, but I think power exchange tends to stimulate this sort of analysis and discussion in a way that I find really affirming.

I added a few thoughts in a comment:

I suspect this is one of those questions that's really hard to answer because for most people, it's all one great big feedy feedback loop. The bottom gets certain things out of it (Iris' explanation is spot on - stability, security, feeling loved and looked after, catharsis, re-achieving equilibrium and the feeling of "starting again") and, because the top cares about the bottom, those are all things the top gets out of it as well - the joy of knowing they are having this effect.

Plus, there's the sexual stimulation of watching yourself enact a scenario you find hot - even if that's happening in another room of your head, and the self in your body is feeling remorse and sorrow and upset. This is shared by both of you, and it loops because you're each aware, even as you're immersed in this genuinely emotionally distressing experience, that the other finds the idea of this sort of thing hot, and perhaps that when they look back on it the memory will carry some sexual excitement.

Then there's what the top gets out of it - I love Chris's explanation here. Love, care, pleasure in the bottom's trust, pleasure at being able to help them - and perhaps pleasure in the experience of being granted this authority or power over them, as well as in the trust that implies. The bottom gets to enjoy the fact that their top is enjoying all these things, as well as enjoying his or her own experience.

I think this is one of the reasons many of us find power exchange play more electric and stimulating than sex in which each parter's experience is emotionally equivalent. It creates this delightful moebius strip of emotional response where the difference and imbalance in each person's response feeds back into the other's, and you both get to share in each other's experience.

Following on from the concept of feedback loops, I found myself nodding at Iris' initial statements about not wanting to be a burden on her partner M. I can very much identify with not wanting to impose activities on a top which they don't get anything out of. This is a consideration in all my relationships and liaisons. At the most casual level, I'm reluctant to engage in spanking play with someone who is only doing it for my sake. If my top doesn't get that fundamental jolt of excitement which all spankos will recognise, then even if they enjoy giving me pleasure, my own pleasure isn't enough for me to really relax and enjoy the experience. I need to trust that this is something my partner wants to do for their own sake as well as mine.

Domestic discipline is even more complicated than that because of the amount of commitment it represents. I don't mean the longevity of a relationship, I mean the time investment that is involved in conducting a discipline relationship responsibly. Rules and sanctions need to be negotiated consensually, and they need to be followed up consistently. If a bottom lets their top down by breaking a rule, I think the top lets them down even more by responding inconsistently. The punishment should be as negotiated, and delivered relatively promptly. As a bottom, there are few things worse than breaking a rule and then not knowing whether you're in trouble or not - or finding out that the top isn't in the mood, or is too busy, to respond, and feeling neglected as a result.

This is why my DD relationship with Tom is still on hold. He knows his own limits. He knows that in his current state of health he couldn't make a commitment to respond promptly and appropriately to my breaking any agreement we might make; as such, he doesn't want to enter one until he can. He feeds off the energy and trust of a DD power exchange, just as I do, but what's worth adding here is that neither of us only feed off that energy. We also put energy into it. Having done so, we both get more out than we started with, but in order for the power exchange to work we both need to have some energy (or power) to invest into it in the first place.

Like the feedback loop arising from a discipline relationship, I think this principle is true of normal sex as well, particularly with new partners - I get energy out of it, but I need a certain amount of energy to start with for it to be workable. But in both cases, I think the imbalance of power in a Dom/sub relationship enhances the phenomenon. Both the bandwidth of the feedback loop, and the amount of energy each partner needs to put in to get things going, are increased by the different roles, responsibilities and risks involved in power exchange.

What do you think? Does this tally with your experience?

Towards Forgiveness

The last spanking audio piece I posted seemed pretty popular, so here's another one for you. This is for my writerly correspondent Jim, who is also the author of the poetry I'm reading. I'm very grateful to him not only for the excellent verses, but for his generosity in letting me share the file with you.

I really enjoyed this poem - I hope you do, too.

Towards Forgiveness (1:59)
(Click to play or download)

Fetish clubbing in London

A couple of people have asked me for recommendations of fetish clubs lately. I'm also looking for a new club that suits all my requirements, and have just spent an hour or so looking through listings of active clubs to see what might fit.

I didn't think my requirements were that picky, but I can't seem to find anywhere that ticks all the boxes. I'm looking for a club which:

- Has a strict fetish dresscode. I don't mean that spending lots of money is mandatory, but I go to fetish clubs as a voyeur/exhibitionist as well as a player, and I like to feel that the other attendees are as keen to express themselves creatively in their outfit as I am. If everyone has put lots of effort and imagination into looking interesting and sexy, it makes for a better atmosphere and a more exhilirating, otherworldly experience.

- Permits sex. Kink and sex are almost indistinguishable for me. I very very rarely play with people I'm not interested in fucking (roleplay and performing in films/photoshoots are the exception here) and the type of play I enjoy at clubs is intrinsically sexual. Moreover, a lot of my D/s experience is explicitly sexual, and I like being able to explore and enjoy that when I'm at a club rather than having to suppress half my kinky sexuality; it feels artificial and kind of prudish.

Other boxes it would be good to tick include: stylish, glossy venue; culture of good etiquette; no "wanky men"; good dance music (by which I don't mean electro or funky house - I like to dance to hard house, happy hardcore, trance and psytrance, drum and bass).

So what are the options if you're going out in London? I'll start with listing the clubs I've actually been to:


Torture Garden
The biggest, glossiest, most expensive fetish club in the UK. I've been to this more than any other. It's not a play club so much as a voyeur's club. People go to look and be looked at, and the outfits are amazing. But they always overfill venues and sell too many tickets; it's overcrowded, takes ages to move between rooms, and is full of people who are there to stare and aren't scene kinksters who understand the etiquette. I've never gone to a TG and not been groped by a stranger, normally in the press of bodies as you're trying to move between rooms. The overcrowding also makes it almost impossible to play - there isn't space in the dungeon to swing an implement, even if you can manage to get to a piece of furniture, and there are usually a frustrating number of people sitting on fetish furniture rather than using it. I've had some fantastic sex in various rooms of the club, but the couples room is often overcrowded. Still, the performances are worth watching, and it was my club of choice while it still played decent dance music. Unfortunately the music policy changing to favour dirty electro has tipped the balance, and these days I have less patience for the crowds, the wanky men, the pushy drunks, and the people who have no concept of scene etiquette.

Club Subversion
I'm very fond of Subversion even though it doesn't permit sex. Mostly this is because of the atmosphere: it's extremely relaxed and friendly. Everyone there is a real person, there to play and participate, and I've always found it a great place to make new kinky friends. It's well-equipped and the standard of play is high, people dress up and I very rarely have any trouble with people breaching etiquette. I've never danced there, but it's more of a social experience for me anyway. I do get frustrated by not being able to conclude sexy scenes in the way that feels most natural, though. I don't intend to stop going to Subversion, but I want to find a more pro-sex club to complement it.

Club Antichrist
Antichrist is a good laugh - it's half goth/industrial dance club, and half fetish club. As such, it can be a bit weird if you've spent time on the London goth scene bumping into acquaintances you aren't used to seeing (and may not want to see) in a kinky context. The dresscode is pretty broad - goth jeans and trainers are permitted - but most people make an effort. Sex is permitted, but most people don't. The play area is quite small, and the feeling that half the people are there for the music rather than the play can make you feel a bit self-conscious.

This morning, D and I have been looking through clubs we haven't been to in search of one that appeals. Here's what we've made of the choices so far:

Festival of Sins
This is hosting an event this Saturday, which is what put it into mind. It looks interesting, but we were put off by the small play area and description of the dungeon:

"Rather than a traditional dungeon, we have the Tales of Sin. In the middle of the Tales of Sins room, there is a sinful play area equipped with luscious dungeon equipment. This is surrounded by intimate booths themed around each of the deadly sins. You can explore these delightfully ever-changing corners of fantasy to create your own tale of sin."

I don't know about you, but I imagine those booths as full throughout the night with drinkers, and nowhere left to play. They don't permit sex, either, and the music policy seems to be similar to TG's.

Club Decadence
Penny went to this recently, which was what put it in mind; she spoke highly of the erotic shows and performances. It has a couples room and dresscode. There isn't much info about the music (although it does seem to lean towards funky electro), but it might be worth a try at some point.

Club Hades
People describe Hades as a serious play club. The emphasis is on play and more play, with a very free dress code and less in the way of decor and dancefloor than other clubs. Etiquette is strictly enforced, including silence if you're watching scenes in the edge play room. This is a club I would go to with Tom, I think, or someone who would be interested in going out just to play rather than as part of a bigger clubbing experience. They don't permit sex, though, so maybe not.

Club Rub
Club Rub initially looks very promising - the Lightbox is an extremely shiny venue, the dresscode seems similarly glossy, and I've heard good things about it. Unfortunately, it disappoints on music ("sexy house", which has never ever described anything I could actually enjoy dancing to) and on prudishness (their NO SEX rule is very strongly worded). It might be worth a visit at some point, especially if they do something similar to last month's British Empire and CP theme in the future, but it looks unlikely to suit D and me.

Fetish Swingers
Hard to tell whether this could suit us or not, as the website is hopelessly out of date. The old venue included a spa and sauna, but there's no information on the site about their new venue or future events, and I don't know if it's still active.

Club Pedestal
This is heavily focussed on female domination, and as such isn't quite the right scene for me and a male dom. I might go with Penny sometime, but I'd be concerned about both of us being overwhelmed by pushy male subs.

Club Spectacular
This has a very goodlooking venue and dress code, but no information about whether sex is permitted. The website is remarkably thin on information, in fact, including about future events. I'd appreciate any info from anyone who's been to this.

The F Club
This was recommended to me by Amy Hunter and Leia Ann Woods, who have both enjoyed it. It's a membership only club which runs fetish and swingers nights. There's no clear guidance on the music policy, or whether sex is permitted at the fetish nights (although it seems likely in context). The membership fees are somewhat high - although less if you're buying as a couple, and they seem to be reduced for Fetlife/LFS/IC members, so this might be worth investigating at some point.

Kinky Salon
As recommended by Filament Magazine. This looks damn near perfect: overtly queer and trans-friendly (most fetish clubs are, but I tend like the atmosphere of the ones that make a point of it), focussed on artistic expression and creativity, fun, a bit different, with safe sex explicitly permitted and a sensible code of conduct. I don't know how much spanking or BDSM play there'd be, but it seems like it would be fun to find out. You need to introduce yourself before you can buy a ticket, and unfortunately D's last attempt to begin this process met with no reply. It seems worth pursuing, though, so I'll chase them and let you know how I get on.

This post is intended as an information resource (albeit limited!) to interested people, as well as a call for help finding something that suits me. So if you have any recommendations to make, fire away - but it would be awesome if you could also comment with your experiences of any of these clubs you've been to, to help others make an informed choice.

Anyone interested in fetish clubbing in London but who doesn't know where to start looking should sign up to the London Fetish Scene website (if you can get past the prohibitively difficult captcha!) and spent some time on the forums there. It's also a good round-up of current fetish clubs and forthcoming events.

All in a day's work

Last Wednesday's shoot was a last-minute booking with a brand new spanking site, in which I was taking the place of a model who had cancelled. I wasn't miffed at being a stand-in, though; my co-model Leia-Ann Woods was in the same boat after an apparent string of cancellations, and it was great to get to work with her again, as well as Paul Kennedy and Jean Bradley. The site is still unnamed, let alone launched, so I'm not sure when the content will be going online. But the shoot was a busy one, and included a number of amusing highlights...

- For the first scene, we were asked to read a passage from Leviticus about not marking your body, and then be punished for our tattoos. Paul and I exchanged glances; I'm not keen on that sort of religious scene. "I don't have a tattoo," Leia-Ann remarked, naturally without a trace of smugness. Damn, I thought, now how I am I going to get out of this one?

Paul furrowed his brow. "I suppose ... you could be ... being initiated into some sort of cult?"

"What, like Scientology?"

We paused, briefly considering the comedic potential of the scene. I think, though, that the producer intended us to take it a bit more seriously than that. Eventually, to my relief, Paul said that he wasn't sure even we could make that convincing, and I was off the hook.

So we did a lovely little before-school spanking scene instead, in which Leia and I had done something so bad (accidentally setting fire to the local cornershop while 'testing' matches) that we were to be spanked every morning and every night for a week. Over our pyjamas, of course. In fact, out of the six clips I filmed that day half of them involved both Leia and I wearing pyjamas, so if you're a fan of jim-jams, you'll almost certainly enjoy this site.

- The second scene started out as a straightforward summoned-to-the-Headmistress's office type deal, but we quickly managed to pervert it. Of course we haven't meant to key the Head's car. We hadn't realised it was her car! After a sound spanking and dose of the wooden ruler for skiving off lessons and being in the teacher's carpark without permission, it was revealed that we were trying to get revenge on the pervy caretaker (played brilliantly by Paul K, complete with amazing roaming rural accent) who was always spilling things near the girl's changing rooms, dropping things and getting us to pick things up, looking down girls' tops... Of course the Head was shocked to hear such baseless, slanderous accusations - so what response would be more natural than to summon him to punish us himself? Ewwwww...!

- Leia cracked me up during a breakfast scene in which she tried to pick all the seeds out of a slice of multiseed bread, complaining that they looked like insects (after which I was very glad that I'd opted for cereal). Naturally, Jean was less amused than I was, but I thought it was very unfair that I should get the hairbrush as well.

- That afternoon we invented a whole new game: Spanking Twister. During the making of this film I learned that it is foolish to play Twister (spanking or otherwise) against an ex-ballet dancer.

Since I moved out of London my job has involved a lot more physical work than it used to, and I've definitely built up strength and muscle, but I seem to have lost a whole load of flexibility. My hamstrings were super-tight, and the effort of stretching into positions which were effortless to Leia but felt like bizarre contortions to me made me sweat, and then my hands slipped on the plastic sheet, and yes, you guessed it - I fell over. So I earned myself a spanking - which was fine, I was grateful to be over the knee rather than bent over on tiptoe - but in the next round, it was agreed that Leia would lose. I wondered how on earth I'd last long enough.

Thankfully, the dial was kind to me and I managed to avoid any strenuous positions before Leia gracefully (but implausibly) surrendered. I was assuming that Round 3 would go to her, but instead we decided to get the two of us into the kinkiest, spankiest (what? that's totally a word) positions possible and then fade the film out on both of us being whipped in tandem. I'm sorry to admit that after a minute or two balanced precariously on fingers and tiptoe with my arse in the air, I could feel my under-worked leg muscles started to shake. I really didn't want to ruin the film by collapsing, so I spent the last few minutes fidgeting in an attempt to make it through without breaking position. Bracing my legs, relaxing them, shifting my weight, putting more weight on my hands - nothing relieved the strain. I was struggling so much that I didn't even feel the whipping on which the film closed. In fact, I was too distracted to respond to it at all; I was entirely focussed on simply not falling over.

Everyone was very decent about it, and although it was annoying, I didn't feel anywhere near as embarrassed or humiliated as I imagined I would. I mean, I'm a model, so physical flexibility and stamina is something producers can reasonably expect. I'm not very flexible naturally, and know I need to work at it; if I've let it slip, it's absolutely fair enough that I'll get shown up at some point! Note to self: start going swimming again, and take up yoga. I've been meaning to for ages, so hopefully this will be the kick up the arse (as it were) that prompts me to finally get on it.

- I was exceedingly grateful, therefore, that the next scene took place in a hot tub. With wine. They let Leia and me have a bit of downtime, and it was lovely to lie back in the hot water with the rain falling all around us, have a chance to just unwind and chat. Of course, Paul and Jean used the time to plot a scene which would land us right in it; when the cameras started rolling and they barged in on us, we had no idea what to expect, which was a brilliant improvisation challenge! But mostly, my poor muscles were grateful for the respite. After that game of Twister, even being paddled on wet skin in the cold air was preferable.

All in all it was great fun, despite being a very long day (I left home at 7am to catch a train, and got back to London at 10pm). I particularly enjoyed working and catching up with Leia-Ann, who was an absolute star despite having a whole bunch of other stuff going on. Jim-jams, keying cars, interrogations, spankings from pervy janitors, spanking twister and illicit hot tubs - in what other job is this all in a day's work? :)

Happy bottom

After a dry summer, the last week has been outrageously kinky. Last Wednesday I spent 7 hours on the set of a shoot for a brand new spanking site, during which we produced 6 films with accompanying stills and 2 separate photosets. It was intense and enjoyable and physically exhausting, and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

On Thursday I shared a new professional kinky experience with my delightful Penny D; her first forays into such waters, and she took to them as naturally as the selkie I always suspected she was. (The Scottish kind, of course, not Cornish). Lots of energy exchanged; exhiliration; learning curves; huge amounts of job satisfaction. That, too, will have to wait until another post.

Friday night we went out to Subversion - my first outing to a fetish club on the arm of a domme rather than either of my men. An enormously different experience, and hugely enjoyable. It was a rich, varied, emotionally intense evening for a host of different reasons, and - well - you guessed it, I'll go into more detail later in the week.

I came home on Saturday to a polyamory wobble which forced a rift between Thomas and I until we talked about the problem on Sunday lunchtime. It was painful and difficult and scary, but by Sunday evening things had started to settle, and I could feel that my reaching-out to him was mutual. After the dispute was resolved we clung to each other thirstily, and the evening ended with electric, long-awaited make-up sex; sex which re-connected us not only after that fight, but re-forged another link that had been left wavering during this long summer of work and health problems and distance and stress. Every moment of physical intimacy with him is precious right now, and we clung to each other so dearly that I wasn't the only one to shed a tear at the intensity of emotion that swamped us both.

D/s play is still to come, at home, as Tom slowly regains his strength; but in London, I have my lady to share electric new experiences with, to glory in her growing power and self-confidence as my domme; I have D, with whom everything right now is comfortable and lustful and good. And I have work that taps into my kink, the deep joy that comes from creating erotic stimulation that gives joy to others.



I have been sitting on this photo since May, but today, I can finally say that it fits me right down to the ground.

e[lust] #20

Photo courtesy of Dangerous Lilly

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #21? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

On Making Sex Last: Cheerleading & Open Relationships - as long as the possession stuff can be fun and consensual, and not interfering with each other’s sovereignty, I think the two—cheerleading and possession—aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

Owned - I had almost forgotten that while here, with him, I was HIS plaything. I was OWNED by him. We had discussed this. I knew the rules. I must not forget again.

The sheer indecency of what we are doing - Is he looking for what I’m looking for? Surely so—all men want that, don’t they? A flaming succubus that comes only in the dark to bring unworldly pleasures and leave behind strange lingering dreams that spice their dutiful daytime lives.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Stop Hating on Campus Sex Education - Clearly, there is a need for this education, because if it doesn’t come from sexuality educators, it comes from word of mouth (which can often provide incorrect information), or from the internet, or from trial and error.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Is it Really "Strange" Sex?

See also: Pleasurists #96 and #97 for all your sex toy review needs.

Kink & Fetish

A teabreak tawsing
Blow job
Caribbean Screw
His evil twin
My adventure in subbing continues
My Big Pink Robot
Play Party!
Sisters unite for the MFW, part 2
The one with the Violet Wand
Turning Lemons into Lemonade
Wanton Wednesday: Bitten

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Cunning Linguists Are We: Cunnilingus 101
Crushing Swingerphobia by Hitting the Club
Coming Out & Invisible Illness
Hold Up Stockings
My First Grue in Review
NSE – New Swinger Energy
Relationships and Emotions
Sadie's Thoughts on Cheating. Confession #507
Three’s Company, Too – Dreaming of the Multi-Relationship Home
The Sisterhood
Thoughts on bisexuality and visibility
When I'm Done With Crying...
Why Lie, Why Cheat?

Erotic Writing

A Raise
Any Idea?
Buttlove
Building the Anticipation
Coming Back to Me
Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Objects
"Enslaved The Story of Jen" Chapter 13
Fantasy: Waking Up
Hotel windows...
I Give Good Head
Lipstick Kisses
Like Mother, Like Daughter
My first little girly night
One Night With NSVG
Oh, What a Night!
Revisited
Rekindling
She
Something in the Air
sacks, part one
The Quick Ebony Fux
up lateish