bodies and politics
My friend who has spent several years working with urban sex workers pointed me at a couple of heated discussions about sex work lately. Of course, conversations about sex work are often heated, mostly because not enough of the people participating in public debate seem to understand that it's just as unhelpful to generalise about all sex workers as it is to generalise about all women, or all people of colour, or any group defined by the mainstream as Not One Of Us.
However, once you get past Julie Bindel's predictably ignorant hostility, this debate on legislating prostitution contains some surprisingly balanced views. (Oooh, words cannot express how much it infuriates me that Ms Bindel is so often wheeled out to represent "the feminist perspective". Not all feminists think all sex workers are necessarily victims! I'm a feminist, I work in the sex industry, I'm not a victim, and Julie Bindel doesn't represent ME.)
There are some excellent, moderate, well-reasoned arguments in that thread, from a variety of perspectives, including some realistic analysis from a politician and a police inspector, all of whom advocate a balanced approach aimed at helping women who want to leave prostitution, and not persecuting those who don't. I'm not surprised to hear this from a sex worker, but it's affirming to hear it from the HM Inspector of Constabulary for Scotland:
Having led the Operation Pentameter investigation into sex trafficking in Scotland, I know that there is a serious problem around enforced prostitution. But you can’t assume that everyone in the industry is there because of coercion, and moralising the argument by saying that no-one working in the industry could be doing so of their own free will detracts from efforts to protect the vulnerable.
Sadly, all this common sense doesn't seem to have got through to Julie Bindel, who continued to make outrageously blanket statements about the victimhood of all sex workers in today's Guardian, in response to Pamela Stephenson Connolly's Agony Aunt letter to a reader "hooked on prostitutes". I found Connolly's initial advice far more sensible than her justification after the fact, which contained several flawed assumptions, but Julie Bindel's closing remarks are so ignorant the stupidity sort of cancels out:
"Next time you're with a sex worker, ask her for some pointers," concludes Stephenson Connolly. Does she really think women having to service punters for a living concern themselves with teaching men how to give pleasure to women? They want to get it over with as quickly as possible and learn how to fake enjoyment rather than actually achieving it. Prostitution is a nasty business.
Why of course Julie, I forgot that you are both omnipotent and telepathic, and capable of speaking on behalf of all women without actually consulting them. Need I mention that, on the contrary, the sex and spanking professionals I know who offer private services consider listening, counselling and offering comfort and support just as much their job as the physical aspects? Most of the sex workers I know would be not only willing, but more than able to offer a client good advice about sex or relationships - especially if that client was a regular.
Yes, I know this isn't true of everyone who sells sex. Guess what? Sex workers aren't a monolithic group of identically hapless victims, and calling them so is just as dangerous and offensive as calling all women sluts or bitches. Sadly, this basic fact seems to have escaped Ms Bindel.
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The fashion industry finally seems to be catching up with the European spanking scene in its acceptance of a variety of body shapes: size 12 and 14 women recently appeared alongside their thinner counterparts on catwalks during London Fashion Week. Of course, such an outrageous decision was never going to happen without drama, but let's face it: the industry is probably better off without the stylist who flounced out in protest. The show only included three "normal-sized" and even they only went up to size 14 (I think 16 is the average dress size in the UK?) but it's another baby step, to match the success of Beth Ditto's fashion brand, and plus-size model Crystal Renn's "new vogue for women 'lush and sparkly with nary a jutting collarbone in sight'."
Designer Mask Fast showcased sexy minidresses on the models, proving his designs don't just look good on size 0 figures. Fashion, advertising and entertainment still have a long way to go in embracing body-positivity, but it's good to see it gaining momentum.
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On the topic of fantasy bodies vs. real ones, Natty has written another excellent post about being kinky with a chronic illness, called When Play Is Work. I've already written a lengthy comment in reply, so I won't say much more here. This topic is extra-relevant to me today: my hopes of getting a chance to play with Tom this weekend have just been scuppered by his work again. I'm more worried about him than disappointed: I know if I'm patient we'll find time eventually, and I'm lucky to live so close that we can spend time snuggling and looking after each other instead. But at times like this the contrast between the films I make and real life couldn't be more obvious.
Natty's post is valuable because it highlights the way that even when reality doesn't mirror fantasy, it can still be beautiful, rewarding and memorable. For Tom, like Natty, play is often hard work - and that's one of the reasons it's so intense and rewarding when we do manage it. And when it's just as often me who's too tired to play, it's good to be reminded that play doesn't have to be easy, or perfect, or live up to fantasised expectations. Flexibility, empathy and understanding will go a long way.
But sometimes, working hard just isn't the answer. Pushing myself too hard is often the reason I'm too exhausted to enjoy play, and exerting myself further may not help in that situation. And I certainly wouldn't ever expect Tom to work harder than he does to try and provide what I need - I'm more likely to want to reassure him that it's okay if he can't. It's down to the individual to assess how far they can push their body, and when it's time to chill out and give yourself a break. I can't make that decision for Tom any more than I'd want to make it for Natty.
I am blessed in my relationships in so many ways, and I try to be aware of how lucky I am. But even spanking models have to deal with reality undermining fantasy at times, and none of us are on top form all the time.
In producing my own spanking porn, I already intend to emphasise the agency, desire and personality of my submissive models (male and female), respect their boundaries, and celebrate a variety of body types. But I'm still trying to work out how to make spanking films that deal positively with disability and illness. Domestic discipline scenes dealing with real people's limits with humour and sensitivity are a possibility. And if I work with disabled models I can ask them if they'd like to appear on film with any visible supports they may have, such as crutches or a wheelchair - but not all disabilities are visible.
Fantasy is usually idealised, but I want to try and be as inclusive as possible: I want to make porn people can recognise themselves in. I know too many kinky people with chronic health problems to be comfortable erasing their experience for the sake of a whitewashed, glamorous, unrealistic fantasy world. There must be ways of telling hot stories about real people, making the reality of having a non-perfect body crucial to a kinky narrative in the way that Jacqueline Applebee does in stories such as What I Do For My Pain. I'm still trying to work out the best way to approach this (and I imagine it'll be an ongoing process), so I'd love to hear any input, stories or ideas you may have.
I'm sometimes tempted to think that "Julie Bindel" is the invention of a comic genius, so often does she fall into self-parody.
ReplyDeleteI would have hoped that the spirited performance of Mr Mosley's friends in the witness box, especially Woman D the doctoral candidate - I can't possibly think who she might be :-) - might have given pause to the silliness of "victim feminists" of the Bindel type. No such luck!
Ms Bindel is quite open about her lesbianism. Does it ever cross her mind that some people might wish to apply to her sexuality the censorious, authoritarian line she takes with sex workers and their customers?
Well, I'm glad to hear Julie Bindel doesn't represent you, Pandora, if not entirely surprised. Great analysis, anyway.
ReplyDeleteI met Dr Belinda in Bournemouth the other day at a LibDem fringe meeting: she was, as usual, in top form, but sadly Bindel wasn't there to be put to the sword. She said that the whole of her argument can be reduced to the two words "consenting adults", but I would put it in three: "people are individuals". I suspect (though I'm far from being an expert) that the evils of the sex industry, like the evils of drugs, are largely a product of illegality.
BBG's best point - that given the number of students paying their way through uni by escorting (or doing spanking films, indeed...) the government with its 50% higher education target was probably the sex industry's largest recruiter.
Alan H: Woman D was very impressive in the witness box, but that didn't stop Paul Dacre making a speech a few months later in which he made the following remarks:
"Now most people would consider such activities to be perverted, depraved, the very abrogation of civilised behaviour of which the law is supposed to be the safeguard. Not Justice Eady. To him such behaviour was merely “unconventional”.
Nor in his mind was there anything wrong in a man of such wealth using his money to exploit women in this way. Would he feel the same way, I wonder, if one of those women had been his wife or daughter?".
You and I may know that the likes of Woman D (or, indeed, Pandora) are among the least exploited women one could hope to find anywhere.
(last sentence got lost)
ReplyDelete... but people have a pronounced tendency only to see things they want or are conditioned to see. Likewise, to someone of Julie Bindel's convictions, the possibility of non-exploited sex workers simply doesn't compute. It goes against the entire structure of her worldview.
I don't want to go off into one of my usual rants about how sexism effects both men and women, so lets just say that when I say "sex workers" I include both men and women in that category.
ReplyDeleteAnd if anyone does not think that a male sex worker cannot be the subject of persecution, I suggest that they go and ask Paul Kennedy about that.
I have not read much of Julie Bindel's writing but from the piece that I have just read it seems to me that Ms Bindel is more interested in her own self image than finding workable solutions.
I agree with The Heresiarch when he says "I suspect (though I'm far from being an expert) that the evils of the sex industry, like the evils of drugs, are largely a product of illegality." but there is more to it than just the legal aspects, There is also the organizational side, that is equally as important.
I have put up these examples before, in comments on this blog but operating within the same legal system in the same country, I see Brussels as one of the worst examples of how the sex industry works, where drugs, trafficking and pimp cultures are the norm and Antwerp as one of the best, where cooperation with sympathetic authorities have left sex workers with far greater control over their working environment.
The answer (IMHO) lies not only in appropriate legislation to allow sex workers to go about their trade in a legal and sensible fashion but also proper cooperation with sympathetic authorities to create a working environment where the sex workers themselves are empowered and free from such things as the pimp culture and other evils and so can run their own lives and business without negative outside influences.
Prefectdt
I have so many things to say here that when I manage to have time to really consider them all and put them into the appropriate phrasing, I will just have to link back to you, since that could be days or weeks from now.
ReplyDeleteThere are a number of things I haven't discussed in my own writing: payment for actual sex acts performed, payment for the (very few) spanking videos I've made, the psychological aspect of having participated in either one of those trades.
I have always, since a very early age, been fascinated by sex workers. They may have only been portrayed on "The Jerry Springer Show" and the occasional novel in which they were featured (working in a library enabled me to find these more easily than one would think for a fifteen year old library page), but I always found them to be a positive force in society. Because in the U.S. we have legal prostitution in the state of Nevada, I even considered seeking work in a desolate desert town, only because I understood what was sought at brothels, and that it wasn't just sex, just pleasure, that brought clients. It was understanding.
Why almost no one outside of the sex industry understands the psychology of those who seek sex workers and those who provide sexual services is a mystery to me. There are few things more human than sex. We breathe, we feed, we mate, be it for pleasure or for procreation. I don't always allow myself to discuss these things because of who I am in my day to day life. Sometimes it is difficult for me to consider myself a sex worker, or even a past sex worker. Your writings encourage me to speak out, no matter who I am on a random Tuesday, because of who I am at the core of me.
"Why almost no one outside of the sex industry understands the psychology of those who seek sex workers and those who provide sexual services is a mystery to me."
ReplyDeleteSimple. People who want to do so read psychology texts for that purpose and no psychologist has actually tried a study based on the kind of hypothesis in this article and these comments.
I would love for one academic establishment to run a study on the question "are sadomasochists more likely to help people than non-sadomasochists?" but all they're interested in is still more inconclusive studies about whether we're violent.
Given the prevalence of damsels in distress in the scene you would expect the idea that sadism is natures way of getting help to those who need it, by making people in pain more attractive, would be obvious but nobody wants to see it.
(I take it you heard about the hairbares debacle? search the bbc for it)
Pandora - Would you kindly confirm your E-mail address please. I've just had two messages rejected. Thank you.
ReplyDeletePeter
Pandora, I love U!!!
ReplyDeleteThis post is so packed with important and interesting stuff that I can't possibly sort my mildly tipsy mind out to address it properly. So instead I'll just thank you for it!
ReplyDeleteAlan: I see a lot of bile levelled against her, often the kind of sexist hostility reserved for publically visible women, and I'm loathe to add to it. But I continue to strongly disagree... and it bugs me how often she's trotted out to "represent" me. What about the English Collective of Prostitutes, or Red Thread?
ReplyDeleteHeresiarch - I also think that the illegality of drugs and prostitution feed into one another on occasion. If someone is already operating beneath or against the law, continuing to do so is easier than taking the first decision to do something illegal.
I'm not sure the sex industry is evil. I think sexism and exploitation are evil, and as long as our society is still rife with both, that will have huge knock-down effects. But it's a culture shift that's needed, not more repressive legislation. As long as women are taught that their bodies and looks are the most valuable things they have to offer; as long as many men continue to feel entitled to sex and to women's bodies; as long as exploitative men think it's okay to suggest paying for sex as an option to vulnerable women, criminalising prostitution won't help anyone.
Surely the focus should be on helping those who want to leave the industry, but are trapped in it? If they're being coerced, that's illegal; if they have no other choice, there should be better systems of non-judgmental support, advice and education available.
Let's not be disingenuous here: the sex industry is rife with abuse, and many women stay in it unwillingly. Without question, I would call the experiences of such women rape, and the continued tolerance of that has no place in society. But blanket criminalisation won't help. A cultural shift is needed, and that takes time. This whole issue is a grey area, and those are notoriously difficult to handle in law. I favour a lighter legislative touch, personally.
My empowered choice does not give abusers free reign. Nor is my choice - albeit empowered - unproblematic. A lot of discussions of sex worker rights forget this. But I can't see any good in a law that makes it harder for vulnerable people - men or women - to survive. We should be helping the people who want other options to find them, not taking away their last resort.
Prefectdt - Aye, the gender imbalance of prostitution is one of my biggest objections to it. I think there's nothing wrong with paying for sexual services. Maybe if more women were taught it was an acceptable option to hire a sex worker to get what they want, they would feel more in control of their desires - and perhaps fewer women would end up in abusive or unsuitable relationships.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the info about Antwerp. One of the lines trotted out at the recent Feminism in London conference was "New Zealand’s legalised brothels have lead to a massive increase in trafficked women." Surely this is a problem with the controls on trafficking, not with legalisation per se?
I agree with your last paragraph 100%.
Abby - Hey, there's nothing wrong with slow conversations. My posts don't have a limited "reply time window". As you can see from the fact I'm only replying to your excellent comment now!
I think the exoticisation and fetishisation of sex work is one of the problems with the industry, I'm afraid. Sure, I think it's a valid choice, but young girls have access to so few images of powerful women. Especially if you have an interest in history, role models can quickly be limited to geishas, mistresses of famous men, seductresses. In so many cultures, sex has been (and is) one of few ways women had to influence their situation or other people. We're taught this at a young age.
Don't get me wrong - anyone who wants, in our flawed society, to earn money selling sex absolutely has the right to do so. But as long as we live in a sexist world, that decision is never going to be unproblematic, and I'm loathe to sing the praises of how sexy and cool sex work is while that imbalance continues to bring suffering to so many women.
I know where you're coming from. I was similarly fascinated, for similar reasons. Intimacy, empathy: being paid to be a good listener! To please people! Sounded great to me: still does. I am aware, though, that if I hadn't been brought up in a sexist society, I might not have thought these things. I was, though, and given the slow rate of societal change - we're talking generations for things to start sticking, not years, and that's if everyone really works at it. We can't know what a non-sexist society looks like, or whether people would want to be sex workers in Feminist Utopia: and I wouldn't want anyone else telling ME whether my interest in making porn, or my sexual submission, or my exhibitionism, were the products of the patriarchy or not. Maybe they are. They're still me, and I'll still be miserable if I have to pretend they aren't for my whole life. And maybe they're not, in which case this is just another tool with which to oppress women ... either way, people should be free to make their own choices and mistakes, and rather than judging them we should work on building support structures for the vulnerable, and offer help to those who need it.
I think your last paragraph is in danger of generalisation. Of course some clients are respectful and decent. Of course there's nothing inherently wrong with paying for sex. Of course intimacy and eroticism are valuable human experiences. And if a man seeks a sex worker because he feels entitled to women's bodies, well, I'd rather he paid a professional than harassed or raped someone. But I don't think it's helpful to gold-tint the whole industry, or all the relationships within it.
I do know what you mean though. And the last thing I think you should feel is shame.
Peter - my email address is takeaswing at pandoras-bot dot com, as displayed on my blog. Should work fine :)
ReplyDeleteGratta - gosh, thankyou! :)
Caroline - you're entirely welcome! Messy issue r messy. It's so hard to find balanced debate. I worry I tip too far into libertarianism at times. Last time I had a fight with an anti-sex-work feminist though, I was told my (minority) right to an empowered choice was trumped by the (majority) disempowerment or lack of choice. Which made me stop and think (it also pissed me off, but that's okay) - but even so, I still can't see criminalisation, of sex workers or the clients, as the best solution. I just can't.
I dunno though. Maybe I'd feel differently if I worked with sex workers? Maybe I'm blinded by privilege? The bugger about that is how hard it is to tell.
google_account - wow! What a wonderful site. Thankyou for the link. Skimming through it has not only put a smile on my face, it's made me feel better about my recent weight gain, which is a definite win :)
ReplyDelete