the motivation of a model
Kaelah has written a fascinating post on the subject of online exhibitionism, exploring what she is comfortable with, what she isn't, and why:
I'm not afraid of anyone looking at a picture or clip and just saying: “Wow, this is beautiful.” My fear is that someone uses or abuses me mentally. Which means first of all, I wouldn't have any problems with someone watching a picture or clip and maybe getting aroused by it, thinking: “It's cool to watch what that kinky couple, Ludwig and Kaelah, are doing there.” Because obviously that guy would just see himself as an observer and in his fantasies it would still be Ludwig and Kaelah doing things together. Interestingly, a group of viewers who wouldn't scare me, either, are those people who watch so much spanking porn that they can't remember the faces of the girls the next day. Even if someone like that would directly masturbate when watching the clip, focusing on the visual stimuli thinking about what he would like to do to that “deserving bitch” (I know I'm exaggerating!) it wouldn't be a problem. Because to that guy I wouldn't have any importance as a person, which makes me feel that this doesn't really have anything to do with me.
So, it comes down to the following: I'm obviously afraid that there might be males in general or male tops in particular who watch film clips or look at pictures showing me in a vulnerable position, placing themselves in the position of the top (or partner for vanilla sex), using the visual stimulus directly for the gratification of their sexual urges, imagining what they would do to me or with me if they got the chance.
The post is well worth reading, and she asked people to contribute to the discussion with how they watch porn, and the motivations of people who have decided to publish intimate material online. My comment was far too long to fit in the comment box, so I decided to answer her excellent questions here.
When I model for or produce internet porn, I am doing so both, like Kaelah, to "create beautiful and aesthetic images that should give others impulses for their own fantasies" (what a lovely way to phrase it!) and in the hope that people will directly use it as stimulus for their own gratification. I think human sexuality is a beautiful and healthy thing and that being taught to be ashamed of our desires is invariably damaging. Masturbation and respectful self-love are hugely important, and I genuinely believe that people should approach solo sex with the same compassion and respect that they should approach sex with others. I want to help people feel okay about what they're into, to be reassured that they aren't alone and it doesn't make them sick or disgusting or whatever; but I also want people to feel good about their sexuality, and to engage with it in an affirming way, whether alone or with others.
The other thing I want to do is try to help improve the general humanisation of erotica. Visual and verbal stimuli can be really important in a healthy sex life - which is where porn comes in - but I don't think it's so healthy for those stimuli to be consistently objectified and dehumanised. So if there's a film which has a concept that gets you hot, and an actor good looking enough that you want to imagine interacting with them directly, then I think it's more humane - and your attitude to sex will benefit - if your fantasies about that person include some aspect of their personhood, and not just their visual appearance. This isn't just down to the individual's response, it's down to the nature of the porn as well.
I'm not only presenting my ideas to stimulate people's library of fantasies; I'm also presenting a direct visual stimulus which is intended to be sexually appealing. Some people seem to find my appearance attractive, others don't; that's cool, everyone's different. When people do, it's useful to me because it gives me the opportunity to reach a wider audience in sharing my fantasies, which is my primary motivation in making porn. The more people think I'm "hot" or "spankable" or whatever, the more people will watch my material, which means I get to show my ideas and fantasies to more people. And as a creative type, communicating my ideas and inspiration to an appreciative audience is my motivation for most of the things I do in life.
Is there also a dollop of exhibitionism and vanity, where the knowledge that someone is finding my body arousing, as well as the fantasy I'm enacting, is pleasing to me? Yes. But my exhibitionism is of a specifically self-contained submissive type. When I'm by myself, I don't wank to fantasies of you lot masturbating over my videos. The idea isn't arousing in that way. My exhibitionism is closer to that of a performer: when I'm making spanking porn, the knowledge that I will have an online audience (and the immediate audience of the film crew and other actors) gives me an adrenaline surge and the desire to impress. It allows me to access my submission and masochism internally, without needing a specific dominant person to submit to. My masochism is very linked to my submission - it's hard for me to enjoy punishment if I'm not in a submissive headspace. My submission is too important and precious to me for me to be comfortable submitting to just anyone, and I'm not sufficiently in control of my responses enough to trigger those feelings in myself independently (hence not being very well suited to one to one spanking sessions). There is a sense in which my desire to please a director or producer contributes - but that's just professionalism, not sexual submission.
The internet offers me a way around this. I live online; I believe the internet is one of the most important things to happen to the human race; I'm genuinely passionate in its advocacy. I take the internet seriously, I'm familiar with its ways, I'm a digital native and very comfortable swimming its vast and varied waters. An online audience is big and broad and varied enough to suit my purposes. Not everyone will like my work - but some will, for loads of different reasons. I'm not submitting to a particular taste or desire, but a cloud of desires in which my own tastes are reflected. I can be eager to please an online audience without being constrained by the preferences of a single individual; effectively, it liberates me to please myself, comfortable in the knowledge that I will no doubt please a mixed bunch of other people for different reasons. An online audience gives me a reason to work hard to impress, and stops me feeling entirely inward-looking and self-indulgent.
Like Kaelah, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of someone wanking to my films while thinking "I'd love to fuck that bitch til she screams, the trashy little slut". But that response, if it exists in someone's head, is so distant from me, so utterly uncontrollable and unknowable, that it doesn't really affect me. The knowledge that out there, people are probably responding to my material in all sorts of ways I didn't intend doesn't really matter; it's the price I pay for the fulfilment that comes from sharing my fantasies, connecting with people and communicating ideas. And for every viewer thinking objectifying or abusive things while watching my material, there's someone who's just been introduced to a new aspect of their sexuality - or who has just been validated and reassured that something they find hot is normal and okay - or someone who has had a positive affirmation about their fantasies - or someone who's been prompted to start thinking about their desires in a new way - or someone who just really likes the idea that a woman like me would find such things arousing, and is aroused by that knowledge. There are a hundred ways in which my porn can positively affect someone, and that, for me, outweighs the fear that some watchers are responding in ways I would not be comfortable with.
What I'm not comfortable with is those people expressing their fantasies to me in such a way that their response ceases to be distant and unknown, and impinges on me directly. So for instance if someone commented on my blog saying "I'd love to fuck you til you scream, you trashy little slut", it would make me feel crappy and I would delete the comment. That's my boundary, and I'm comfortable with that.
One of the reasons I decided to put so much of my personhood online in writings and analysis, along with the visual erotica, is challenge people to respond in kind. By accompanying my violent porn with insights into my thoughts and feelings, I'm making it much harder for viewers to dehumanise me. (Which is the main thesis behind my idea that blogging plays a key role in producing ethical spanking porn.) My modelling/acting style itself is tailored with the same aim (e.g. choosing or writing stories with rounded characters and engaging narrative; lots of eye contact and emotional expression, etc). Of course as soon as someone is watching my material outside the context of my blog, they can respond however they like - but in that scenario the distance is maintained, and they're much less likely to force their response on me. And so far, it seems to have worked - the comments on my blog are amazingly respectful, a fact which continues to surprise and delight me. It seems that if you present yourself online as a fully rounded human being deserving of respect, people are that much more likely to treat you so. Which is kind of awesome, when you think about it.
''there's someone who's just been introduced to a new aspect of their sexuality - or who has just been validated and reassured that something they find hot is normal and okay - or someone who has had a positive affirmation about their fantasies - or someone who's been prompted to start thinking about their desires in a new way ''
ReplyDeleteThat's me, and I and grateful to you.
*blush* Thankyou. Hearing that from people is the best possible reward. :)
ReplyDelete"One of the reasons I decided to put so much of my personhood online in writings and analysis, along with the visual erotica, is challenge people to respond in kind. By accompanying my violent porn with insights into my thoughts and feelings, I'm making it much harder for viewers to dehumanise me."
ReplyDeleteIndeed. I've seen some mutterings (to which I'm not linking to avoid troll-feeding) that models are too mouthy these days, and way back when girls knew how to shut up and bend over. No, no, they didn't. They just didn't have blogging tools.
Adele - oh noes! Do you mean that if us uppity womens (I'm very doubtful that said trolls are similarly displeased about male models blogging) carry on being mouthy and having brains and opinions, we might alienate all the wankers who prefer to think of us as pieces of meat? How terrible! I'll shut up and bend over straight away...
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting, and because a big part of my pleasure in "spanking porn" is "knowing" the model/actress. So much of the spanking kink to me is between the ears, that if you take away the person being spanked, and what they're thinking and feeling, I'm left with very little. There was a time when even a mention of the subject was a big deal, but with the glut of material available these days, a body being spanked is only marginally exciting. Similarly, there must be a story involved. Why is it happening? Who is it happening to, and who is that character that makes it remarkable? The relationship between the actress and her character is an exciting aspect to me.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, the visual of the female involved adds much to the excitement. "Pandora Blake" is an appealing image to me, in and of itself, and that's important. Models are both "eye candy" and the erotic image in which to place the character. There is an erotic connection to the images you present. But there is the actual person, at least as much as had been presented to me, that makes it more than just porn or hot images. Through a blog, or other means of personal expression, there's a meeting of kinky minds. That's exciting.
I'm a voyeur for the exhibitionist. I would never think, "I'd love to fuck that bitch til she screams, the trashy little slut" because that doesn't turn me on, and even if the sentiment was respectful. And I wouldn't say it to you if I thought it, because making you uncomfortable would not feel right or good. You're not speaking directly to me personally here, and I can only imagine it would be strange to have a stranger telling you what they want to do to you or with you, including spanking and related activities. I remain the voyeur. That's the relationship between us you offer here, and I feel lucky for it.
This is an absolutely fascinating post. I'm not sure how to respond to it. I'm certainly not the sort of person who would write to a spanking model and tell them what I would like to do to them - for a start, like Brett, I am primarily a passive voyeur in the relationship with spanking models, and the distancing effect of the Internet is something that fits my comfort zone as much as it fits yours. Other than a purely intellectual curiosity, I have little interest in attending spanking parties or having one-to-one sessions with any. I don't think that would feed my kink.
ReplyDeleteI think a point here is that if someone is fantasising about you personally, as long as they keep their fantasies locked up in their heads, then it's not really about you. It's when they let them out, and in some way act upon them, that it becomes something that does affect you. I can imagine that the thought of people having such fantasies might make you uncomfortable, but is the discomfort derived from their very existence, or from the concern that they might take it a step further? I'm not sure here.
I think you're right about the way the Internet humanizes, and above all democratizes< porn. Previously, most porn models that one would encounter were voiceless. If they said anything to accompany their photset, it was almost certainly words put into their mouth by some male editor. Only powerful models like Fiona Richmond ever truly got to say what they felt. Blogs allow all models to speak in their own voices. And that promotes thinking of nodels as real people, not just anonymous meat, so that one ends up following a model's blog not because they've got a cute bum, but because they're intelligent and interesting and personable, and you don't really mind if they never post pictures any more because that's not why you're reading the blog.
And that has to be a good thing.
''there's someone who's just been introduced to a new aspect of their sexuality - or who has just been validated and reassured that something they find hot is normal and okay - or someone who has had a positive affirmation about their fantasies - or someone who's been prompted to start thinking about their desires in a new way ''
ReplyDeleteThat's me too. When I first began to explore may fantasies I found it very helpful to look at a range of porn. What I found appealed to me was precisely the kind that showed everyone involved as real people.
Thanks for your part in this.
This is one of the reasons I read your blog! :) x
ReplyDeleteThis does get a bit complicated doesn't it? For instance when I watch any sort of drama I really want to suspend my disbelief and immerse myself in the performance, not think about the performer. This applies to spanking porn when it reaches a level beyond trite as yours does Pandora.
ReplyDeleteAnd is it OK to think 'I'd like to fuck that girl until she screams because she has a sublime body, a delightful kink and real insights into the way this thing we do affects us?
By the way, we trolls have feelings too you know.
TC
Brett - your comment gave me a great big smile, of the "OMG, you GET IT!" variety. So thankyou very much for that!
ReplyDeleteI agree that narrative is a big erotic hook for me; far more than pretty visuals alone (although the two together is best). I like to glimpse the emotions between the characters, the tensions and anxieties, to get a hint of what they're each feeling.
I like the way you phrase "models are the erotic image in which to place the character". It's a weird one. We're aren't like film actors, and although it makes sense in some ways, I think it's a little crass to think of a model as a "brand". A good model is simultaneously a persona with tastes and opinions, and the visual presentation for the distinct persona of their specific character. When I don't know anything about a model's voice or persona, then I need another narrative hook to enjoy the scenario, like an interesting plot or backstory. If a scenario has neither backstory nor that meta-level of the participants personae, it's hard for me to find it interesting.
I like what you say about voyeurism as well. That works for me. :)
N Craig: Thankyou for this comment. It hadn't occurred to me that the distancing effect of the Internet would be necessary for the comfort of both model and viewer. That's really interesting. It makes it less of a value judgement as well - I'm a sexual exhibitionist but I like to keep the intellectual and emotional engagement more on a meta-level, discussing kink, analysing, swapping stories and fantasies - rather than the more direct "I'd really like to spank you / be spanked by you" level. So it makes sense that the most comfortable relationship is between me and pure voyeurs, or people who are polite enough to respect that I'm not interest in that sort of direct flirtation fantasy. But other models might be into that, and it makes sense that their viewers would tend to be people who enjoy a more direct engagement.
I agree that whatever anyone is thinking when they watch my porn is there problem. It genuinely isn't an issue to me - it's not even on my radar. My anxieties are about the boundaries I need to maintain in person - with photographers, producers and tops (and with clients, although I mostly avoid dealing with clients in person unless a trusted Dom/me is involved who can help maintain my boundaries - which was how my sessions with Zoe Montana worked last year). So there isn't any discomfort, really; when I stop and think about it, yeah, I can imagine responses that would make me go "ick", but when they're in the viewer's head they really aren't my problem. It's when those responses are encoded in the porn itself that I get antsy about it (hence my discomfort with porn which presents its models as bitches or sluts, etc).
I love what you say about the internet democratizing porn. I have thought so for some time, and I am so happy that it's not just me who sees it that way!
Barbarossa - thankyou for taking the time to tell me this, it is wonderful to hear. This is pretty much exactly why I'm pro-porn.
M3 - I know what you mean. I often enjoy finding porn where I dont' know any of the performers, because it lets me get more immersed in the fantasy. But without that meta-level of knowing that the performers are into it and having some access to their selves "behind the character", porn has to be really very good to hold my interest. I mean very good. Plausible, rounded characters; engaging storylines; beautiful visuals; a sense of humour; no off-colour remarks that will put me off. Without the security that comes from a "behind the scenes" knowledge, my standards for the porn itself are way higher, which can be a tad inconvenient.
ReplyDeleteOf course it's okay to think anything you want, as long as you act respectfully whenever you actually interact with something. Your head, your business. If you don't make it my business, you can do whatever you want in there.
Pandora, thanks a lot for that wonderful post and all your fascinating thoughts on the topic. I absolutely agree with you on what you said about solo sex. It's something wonderful and very important. I just hope that my post didn't imply that I condemn masturbation in any way!
ReplyDeleteI think I haven't got your submissive streak, but I love the thought of telling stories that make others fantasize and that others enjoy. What strikes me the most about your post is the last paragraph about your blogging. I think the fact that I've written so much about my fantasies and my limits on Ludwig's blog is what makes me feel self-confident enough to publish pictures and clips now, despite of the fears still going along with it. I think it is nearly impossible for someone who has read my comments and takes me seriously to watch an image showing me thinking about what he would like to do to “that deserving bitch”. It just doesn't fit to the fantasies I present on the blog and the things I tell about me. And I've never got any disrespectful comments like that on the blog, so it really seems to work. The thoughts of people who don't read my posts don't bother me, anyway, they're too far away from me and don't know anything about me, so all they see is the exterior not the person behind it.
I hope that a lot more people will comment on the topic because I'm really interested in reading their points of view. So far I even got one comment by an anonymous spanking porn fan who kindly gave me some insight on his (I think it is a male person) thoughts about the clips and the models. I found that very encouraging and comforting because it shows that my fears are rather unfounded. And Brett B's and N. Craig's comments both also seem to prove that the viewers of spanking porn have a lot of respect for the models!
Actually, one of the key reasons why I like your blog is that it provides an opportunity of discussing kink on a level beyond simply "You've got a nice bum, could you wear stockings more".
ReplyDeleteI can only speak for myself as far as the comforting distance of the Internet is concerned, and I suspect I'm not typical in not wanting to engage with the spanking scene any further. It's not that I don't want to engage with models as real people - after all, that's what I'm doing here - but that a combination of natural shyness and conditioning to think of sexuality to be something to be ashamed of leads me to prefer to maintain as much anonymity as possible.
Boundaries seem to be key in dealing with the voyeur's fantasies. As long as people keep their fantasies in their heads, they are respecting the boundaries. But once they tell them to the models, they are failing to respect the boundaries (mostly - obviously in some cases the boundaries between individuals have been set so that this is okay).
I hadn't really thought about the democratizing influence of the blog before I wrote the comment, so I'm glad it fits with what you think. The other thing that occurs to me about blogs is that they can assuage unnecessary male guilt. As a man who believes in feminism but who also likes looking at porn, there's always a nagging feeling that one is engaging with something that inherent demeans women, and that one can too uncritically accept statements that people are doing what they want to because that conveneintly allows one to enjoy the porn without feeling bad about it. But, whilst in cases where such statements are filtered through male-controlled industry filters, one may be right to have some suspicions, blogs are a different matter. People like you, Adele Haze, Leia-Ann Woods, etc., are plainly intelligent, in control of their own lives, and saying what they want to. Which I think again is positive, as it should make people less hung up about their sexuality.
I'm not sure I've put that terribly well.