to the east

Today I'm flying to Bratislava for a two day shoot with SpankingServer/Pain4Fem, accompanied by the delectable Amy Hunter. I've filled a suitcase with dresses, lingerie, tartan miniskirts, school uniform, over-knee socks and dozens and dozens of knickers. I've packed aloe vera gel, vitamin E cream, hairbands and a European adaptor for my phone charger. I've showered and shaved and moisturised, and dressed in comfortable warm clothes for travelling. (I always forget how aggressive the air conditioning is on planes.) I've got a couple of novels to read, and a notebook and pen for keeping notes for the blog.

I've been nervous about this shoot for over a month. Spanking Server are, according to Niki Flynn who is the only person I know to have worked with them, absolutely lovely, and I've re-read the chapter in her book about filming The Spy with them. We aren't attempting anything so ambitious, although I'm taking all of your suggestions with me in case they're open to ideas. However, I know that they pay by the stroke, with different rates for "hard" and "very hard". I know from Nikis' boyfriend Cameron that the four "very hard" strokes she received at the end of her forty-or-so-stroke caning were the hardest strokes he had ever seen delivered by anyone. So I don't know if I'm going to be asking for any of those. Even forty hard strokes sounds like an awful lot to me, who hasn't been playing much these last few months.

So I've been nervous as all hell. I've been nervous about the long caning in the full-length film. I've been nervous about language barrier, not speaking German or Czech. I've been nervous about the lack of info I have about the film, because it always helps if I'm able to prepare.

But all that nervousness seemed to burn away at the start of this week, when the shoot stopped being an abstract looming concept and became the work I was doing in the next few days. I've been sorting out travel plans, working out where I'm staying after our train gets back into London in the middle of Thursday night.

I was talking to Tom about this last night, and the thing is that I know it's always okay on the day. We'll have a whole day of clips before the longer film, and I know I can do clips, I'm not afraid of those. I'll be thoroughly warmed up by the time it gets tough. I'll have Amy there for moral support and someone to chat to in English, and if she can do it then I reckon I have a fair chance at coping.

And I know that the first ten strokes of the hard caning will be the worst. They always are. But the next twenty, or thirty, or however many it is - by then the endorphins should have started to flow, and maybe three or four 'very hard' strokes won't be beyond me after all, by the end.

Two and a half years ago I flew out to Mallorca for my second ever spanking shoot. I was travelling alone to meet people I'd only briefly communicated with by email. They mostly spoke German, and put me up in a hostel on my own for the night. The shoot was with Girls Boarding School, the couple who run the site with were wonderful, friendly, supportive people who were a joy to work with, and everything was fine. I don't even remember being scared beforehand, although I suppose I must have been. I remember it being an adventure.

If I could do that, younger and inexperienced with only one short clips shoot to my name, then I can do this.

See you on the flipside.