Strictly Come Spanking
One of the first things I did when I got back home, of course, was download all the latest material from Northern Spanking. This has provided me with:
1. Enough delightful porn to cheer me up at the end of a long day - and rekindle my somewhat-neglected kink;
2. Blog material for at least a week - because of course, I have to review it for you and let you know what I think, don't I?
Now, I don't normally write about films before they've been fully released - when something is published in sequential clips, I'd rather wait and see the whole thing before expressing an opinion. But this evening I'm going to have to make an exception. You see, I have just watched the first two parts of reality TV extravaganza Strictly Come Spanking - a production so stimulating that I couldn't help make over-excited notes as I watched.
So, for your delectation and delight, here is my unedited, real-time live-blogged commentary on Strictly Come Spanking - parts 1 and 2:
- Strictly Come Spanking: ONLY NORTHERN COULD DO THIS
- Hilarious intro sequence! Is that Paul Kennedy I see sporting a rather camp quiff?
- Fantastic intro by Amy Hunter. I sense a presenter career in the making! Bit heavy on the artificial smoke...
- OMG THE JUDGES - LOVE IT! Actually crying with laughter!
- Stephen and Leia. I hadn't realised before how tall Stephen is - he dominates Leia even in heels. Very debonair! Love the ballet poses, and the slightly mincing motions as he starts to spank.
- Actually I think all spankings should take place to cheery big band music, judges watching with pursed lips.
- "We've practiced ... ALL WEEK." Hee!
- Love everything about Tess - the hammy faces, the interrupting, the standing in front of Leia ...
- LOVE the score card paddles!
- OMG BELLA RIGATONI'S ACCENT!!!!! The animosity between her and Aileen Philpotts!
- "SERMOULDERING. YOU EENGLEESH ARLOT." Hang on, is she Italian or German? Or French?
- "HAND MET BOTTOM FLESH LIKE BOTTOM MEETING HOT TOAST." Eileen can't actually keep a straight face. Or - hang on - is that a flirtation I'm sensing between her and Bella?
- Okay, Amelia-Jane and Hwyel. Oooh. Figureskating spanking, without skates! Punctuated by breathy gasps and tossed hair. Slightly uncontrolled, but definitely SERMOULDERING. The flamenco music suits well.
- Like me, Amelia has to go slightly onto her knees to be passionately kissed by her Dom. I can attest that this has its advantages.
- Goodness me, a slight wardrobe malfunction! Was that deliberate?
- Hrm, judge catfight. Is Craig Breakfast-Cereal going to end up with one or both of the female judges over his knee?
- Oh, Amelia is entirely delectable. I don't know how she does it. Mmmmmm.
- Haha, love that Eileen is the first judge to applaud!
- "Panting away, like something just off the Serengeti there, aren't we!" I think Amy was born to play Tess. Ahahaha - she agrees with me about the deliberate wardrobe malfunction!
- Amelia hiding her laughter by pretending to cry. Smooth. In the inset she looks entirely innocent, like someone off a BBC period drama.
- Craig to Bella: "What is this that comes out of your MOUTH?" Bella: "ALL I WANTED TO BE WERE HER THROBBING BUTTOCKS. THEY WERE LIKE A COUPLE OF FERRETS IN A LEETLE BAG."
- Aileen: "like an eager schoolboy sucking up his first banana milkshake through a straw." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Impressive ability on the part of all three judges to keep a straight face, though.
End of part one! THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE SPANKING FILM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AS OF THIS DAY.
- Part 2! Syra Garcia and Paul Kennedy. Ooh, and some rather cheeky jazz. Smiles all round! Nice little bottom wiggle there from Syra. Not sure about the hand-wavy dance moves though.
- Oh, I get it! It's a reference to the golden age of magic shows!
- Or possibly silent films.
- Or ... pinups?
- Aw, missed opportunity there to get the bottom in the spotlight.
- Cute wave from Paul at the end there!
- Tess: "That really ... went, didn't it? Didn't it just ... go, ladies and gentleman?" *snort*
- Aileen: "Like clover honey dripping slowly from a Swedish pine." WHAT.
- I cannot get enough of the way that Tess is compelled to spank herself every time she pronounces "Strictly Come Spanking", however serious the context.
- Ooooh, adverts! The Restrained Elegance one for the Medieval Epic is rather fantastic.
- Irelynn: I have no words. No words. <3
- Michael Stamp in - a HAIR ADVERT! Why does he sound slightly Australian? He suits the white boy fro though...
- Back to the final! How I can stand the suspense??
Parts 3-5 will be released on NSI soon. Lucy McLean informs me that "there's even funnier stuff to come." Can you wait? I know I can't.
Thanks for this, Pandora I was rolling in laughter just with the commentary. I'll definitely have to see what inspired it!
ReplyDeleteYeah, the accent went a bit haywire for a second or two. Mainly because I had no idea who or what I was meant to be parodying. I think it's a reasonable job otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I'm considering using it as a showreel. The presenting bits. Not the Bella bits. Although the leetle bag of ferrets does make me chuckle. Where the hell it came from I have no idea. ;) x
Wow -- that's just fantastic looking. Like Indy, I'm laughing at just the stills.
ReplyDeleteDo you think the US title will be "Spanking With the Stars"?
Ohh.. that looks and sounds completely awesome. Once again, I'm cursing the fact that I am extremely low on money. :/ Ah well. Perhaps one day.
ReplyDeleteIt should be Mija, as that is exactly what it's parodying. It's just called Strictly Come Dancing here, and Dancing with the Stars in the US version. :D I might well rename it for the US DVD distribution, but it would still have the host referring to it as Strictly Come Spanking... Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your commentary Pandora, it's really entertaining to see and hear what people are thinking of it, since it was another of our mad moment creations that we thought only we would find entertaining :-)
I know, right? I said it on Northern, too, but I'll say it again. ;) This is the best thing I've seen for a while. In fact, it may be the best thing I have *ever* seen. I can't remember the last time I laughed like this.
ReplyDeleteIndy - I showed Tom last night and although he usually hates "embarrassment humour" he cackled quite a lot at this. And agreed with me about which bits were hottest. Win!
ReplyDeleteAmy - yeah, I figured you weren't parodying anyone specific. I thought the accent was let on a deliberately long lead ;) The leetle bag of ferrets makes me chuckle every time I think of it - HOW did you all get through it with a straight face?!
Actually I'm still agog at your unexpected talent for presenting. Some of the best improv I've ever seen, seriously.
Mija - Oh, but that doesn't have the pleasing double-entendre of "strictly"! (And "come", I guess if you were really stretching.) But you're right, more people might get it...
Lucy - I'm glad I've inspired some people to see it - in my opinion it's worth signing up to NSI for this alone! I was expecting the comedy to eclipse the hot, but the actual spanking bits get, if anything, hotter on re-watching! Perhaps I have a humiliation fetish after all...
WARNING: I clicked one of the refer.ccbill links to Northern Spanking in this post and at that precise moment my computer was infected with a multitude of viruses, which I then spent a rather long, tedious and expensive evening trying to sort out. Could be complete coincidence but please all be careful.
ReplyDeleteThat's concerning Jon. Could you please email paul at paul@northernspanking.com and tell him what happened in as much detail as possible? That would be very helpful for us to check that there isn't a problem on our servers or anything!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jon for your email which enabled me to trace the piece of duff code causing some browsers to redirect and trigging AV warnings. It has been removed and all is now well! My apologies to anyone affected by this problem.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm impressed that the security issue seems to have been resolved so quickly!
ReplyDeleteJust a note to say that I've now watched part 3, and it all only gets better. Stay tuned for:
- UNSCRIPTED INTER-JUDGE SPANKING
- Russian bareback whipping
- harem girl bellydancing
- another yummy Restrained Elegance ad! (These adverts are going to be responsible for me buying a subscription to that site, as soon as my home internet is fixed enough to cope with all the downloads...)
- SERIOUS WARNINGS ABOUT DRUGS (props to Stephen Lewis for keeping a straight face...!)
- GAY GRANDADS
and more!
I'm torn by how to vote, though. Leia and Stephen's entry was very polished, but Amelia and Hwyel's entry was better than Craig Breakfast-Cereal gave them credit for. Can I wait until round three before voting?