Spanish culture

I was startled the other day by seeing this poster near Tottenham Court Road:



Is it me, or does this advert portray

• a woman lying over a man's lap;
• holding a glass of red wine;
• while, apparently, levitating?

I had no idea these things were such a central part of Spanish art and culture!

I'm not sure which would be a better trick - a magician spanking his assistant while she was floating over his knee (mm, hot) or the lady managing to hang onto her glass without spilling a drop during the process.

The latter could make a fun scene, though. (Well, obviously the former would be brilliant, but sadly I don't know any tops who have mastered the art of levitation.) An evening gown, a glittering necklace, sheer stockings and heeled shoes - arranging yourself elegantly over your top's lap, trying not to giggle too much, although it's not easy when you've had one or two glasses of vino already. Only once you're already in place do you realise that you're still holding your glass. "Oh! Where should I put this down, sir?" you'd ask, hoping he'd take it from you and solve the problem. (Or ma'am, of course, but right now I'm imagining a dashing Hispanic chap in a tux.)

He'd insist that you hang on to it, since you're enjoying it so much, and you'd think it was all a delightfully silly game until the first smack landed, heavy and stinging even through your gown. Then he'd tell you that for every drop of red spilled on the cream carpet, you'd earn a stroke of the cane, and you'd realise that lighthearted as the game might be, the consequences could be very serious indeed...