School days: true memories and unfair punishments
This evening I was brainstorming some scenarios for a new audio piece with one of my correspondents, and in my email I ended up going into more detail than I intended about my preferences and real school experiences. I didn't have time to write a proper blogpost this evening, but thought you might enjoy some notes on my preferred punishment scenarios, and revelations from my school days...
I'm a sucker for the emotional narratives of punishment, but get bored easily with the traditional transition from petulance to remorse. Two friends punished together, each feeling worse about their friend's suffering than their own, and trying to protect each other - always good. I love noble self-sacrifice, and boys or girls voluntarily taking on punishments to protect someone younger or more vulnerable. In fact, I was raised on the sort of virtuous Victorian melodrama in which the protagonist suffers dreadful, unfair misfortunes but manages to retain a sense of adventure regardless, so I love anything centred around unfair punishments. I don't really have a "bad girl" kink, so if someone else has got me into trouble and the authorities believe them over me, that's a perfect way into a punishment scenario without the victim having to lose face.
One of my most horrible days at school was in the second term of my first year, when a group of kids who liked stirring up trouble decided to tell our head of year that I'd been bullying someone. It was completely fabricated, but the teachers hadn't got to know me yet (a few years later it would have been immediately laughed off) and it took most of a day to untangle. I spent the entire time feeling sick to my stomach, heart pounding and palms sweating. Unpleasant to live through; ideal fantasy fodder in retrospect!
One other memory leaps out at me as something I really did at school which might have resulted in a whacking if I'd been at school fifteen years earlier. I had an ongoing feud with a girl in the year above me who hated me with a vicious passion. I have no idea why, except that I wasn't the most popular kid in my year - nerdy and a bit of a misfit. But who knows what I did to get this bully's attention. Anyway, it was your normal taunting - her backed up by a crowd of mates, usually - which I did my best to ignore. One day in my fourth year, I was having a really bad day for various reasons, and whatsherface in the year above had been really getting on my tits lately, always managing to pop up with the same pathetic old jeers at the worst possible moment. I was on my way from the Great Hall to somewhere on the ground floor and her and her mates cornered me on the spiral staircase, trying to get a rise out of me. Something snapped in me. I've never, ever been a violent person, and didn't even really fight back to the sort of subtle catfighting which went on in our first year - pinches and foot-stamping in the press between classes, nothing more overt - but this time I'd just had enough. I turned around and smacked her across the face.
The weird thing is that it worked. She was gasping "the bitch slapped me!" and they were all yelling insults after me, and I was pumped so full of adrenaline I was shaking, but I walked away and after that, she never bothered me again.
If a teacher had witnessed that they'd probably have thought I'd been massively overreacting, and if I'd tried to explain myself they'd have said verbal taunts were no excuse for violence. But they'd have been wrong. It was the best possible thing I could have done, and looking back, I'm proud of myself for having had the guts to do it. If I'd been whacked for it I'd have been angry and upset at the injustice, but it would also have been totally worth it.
I find the idea of a punishment which doesn't outweigh the choice which led to it really appealing. It lends the recipient a degree of strength and self-determination which I find it easy to identify with. I think if I have a "bad girl" fantasy, it's definitely not one that fits into a remorse narrative. If my fantasy self is to be punished for something she's actually done, it's much more interesting for me if she considers it a fair trade-off; if she would make the same choice, and earn her punishment again, given the chance.
when i was at school i saw a few girly cat fights which was exciting to watch when they rolled about on the floor with skirts flying up getting to see their knickers and nice bums.love simon.
ReplyDeleteThere are several things I can comment on here:
ReplyDeleteDifferent folks, different kinks - Once again, it is interesting to see how different we spankos all are, how one person's hot and cherished fantasy would be a total turn-off for another person. Unfair punishment scenarios, for instance, are a very delicate matter for my girlfriend Kaelah. There are a few she can find hot, under very specific circumstances, like the idea of "nobly" taking an undeserved punishment to protect someone else. But generally speaking, unfair punishment scenarios turn her off rather completely, especially if they feature bullying by someone.
Sometimes, Violence Works - I am not a radical pacifist. I believe that, while one should generally try to resolve conflicts peacefully, there are certain cases where the use of violence is entirely morally justified or even the best solution among others (whoever claims that violence is "never" a solution is ignoring history). In cases of self-defense, the use of violence is certainly morally justified, and under the circumstances, given the prehistory, I would rate you slapping that bully as a case of self-defense. Not sure what I would have done as a teacher. Had I known the full story, I might not even have punished you at all, except perhaps in a minor symbolic way (does that disappoint you?).
Scenario Idea - I find the idea you describe of "a punishment which doesn't outweigh the choice which led to it" and of it being "a fair trade-off" very, very intersting as well. There is something appealing in the psychology of that story, probably because there is some ambivalence, and ambivalence is always interesting. Noting it down as a potential video clip idea.
Ludwig On Semantics Again - I never really took part in any playful fights at school, as that wasn't my thing at all. But there were some ruffles in elementary school which one just could not avoid. There were even ruffles between boys and girls. This was especially difficult if you were a boy. On the one hand, you were supposed to be able to defeat a girl, otherwise you were a wimp. At the same time, you could not use your full force against her because that would have been unchivalrous. Complicated, isn't it? Anyway, I remember once being in this ruffle with this girl when we were really little kids, like seven or eight years old. One of the boys standing by urged me on: "Kick her in the cleft, kick her in the cleft!" Which really wasn't very chivalrous. And I was always a stickler for semantics, so I yelled back, very loudly so that everyone could hear it, probably a few teachers as well: "It's not called cleft, it's called VAGINA!"
just to add from my other comment when the girls got stopped from fighting by a teacher they were not punished as such just told to go out and pick rubbish up from the school grounds.love simon.
ReplyDelete"If my fantasy self is to be punished for something she's actually done, it's much more interesting for me if she considers it a fair trade-off; if she would make the same choice, and earn her punishment again, given the chance."
ReplyDeleteNocturnal bedhopping would easily seem to fit that scenario.
I'm not sure which I like more, this post, or the story Ludwig tells at the end of his comment. I'm so glad I've finished my coffee, or it would have ended up all over the screen of my newly-repaired laptop. This is definitely one case in which a Tweet, however enticing, cannot do justice to the full story!
ReplyDeleteI loved the Young Pandora stories. Your analysis of unfair scenes also helps me to understand their attraction-- and the ways in which I may share it-- in much the same way that some of Kaelah's recent posts have helped me to understand her love of restrained reactions. I feel yet another partial blog post coming on...
Great!! Spanking makes me much more excited for sex. I love more to spank than to be spanked.
ReplyDeleteSimon - never been in an actual 'catfight', or witnessed one - in my experience they're far more common in porn than in real life. More fun for the people watching than the girls taking part, I imagine!
ReplyDeleteLudwig - I can totally understand why an unfair punishment might be a turnoff. It's definitely emotionally edgy, and on that knife-edge it's easy to understand why some people might go one way and some the other. A punishment which changes the recipient's mind, convinces them of their own wrongdoing, for all the commonality of the trope, is no less edgy - and in that case, I go the other way; it's too much for my pride. Pride, I think, is the key factor in all these scenarios. Knowing one's own innocence enables one to remain proud under duress and mistreatment. And taking a fierce pride in one's choices makes it easier to accept the consequences, even if they're unpleasant.
I would have much preferred not to be punished by the notional teacher witnessing my slap, so no, not disappointed. But I'm not sure a teacher taking a more rigid point of view would have lost my respect, if you see what I mean.
Oh, and *points* for your last story. Made me cackle out loud at my desk. Thankyou for that! (And yes, I do sympathise with the double bind boys find themselves in when it comes to physical violence - a prime example of how patriarchy fucks everyone. And yes, I've known girls who played it to their advantage, and never liked to see it. But those girls also had limited ways in which they were able to exercise power, so I can sort of understand how you'd come to it, even if I can't excuse it.)
Giles - yes, and it's definitely one of the ways in which I'm NOT inclined to play by the rules! Lovely if the punishment brings you and your bedmate closer together; less fun if it makes them angry with you and drives you apart...
ReplyDeleteIndy - Ludwig's story makes me happy not only because it's hilarious, but because I'm an advocate of little boys and girls knowing the correct words for things (and little girls having a word for their bits, rather than a lack-of-word). Glad you liked the post! Will be fascinated to read your response, if you have time to write one :)
the girly fights i saw where fun to watch for me anyway and i got a hard on from it seeing what colour knickers the girls had on when they fell over and saw their nice bums.love simon.
ReplyDelete@ Indy, Pandora: I'm glad you like the story. I chuckle about it myself. It's funny, what little episodes one remembers from such a young age. I didn't even know that I remember it. It was buried completely until I read Pandora's remarks about pinches and foot-stamping fights between classes, which re-awakened the memory.
ReplyDeleteI still know the name of that girl, even. Although I don't remember how that ruffle with her started. I did not have a crush on her, nor a particular dislike of her. I had a bit of a crush on her best friend, though. Maybe that had something to do with it. Showing off and all.
"Two friends punished together, each feeling worse about their friend's suffering than their own, and trying to protect each other - always good"
ReplyDelete"I love noble self-sacrifice, and boys or girls voluntarily taking on punishments to protect someone younger or more vulnerable"
You've just listed two of the most intense school scene triggers for me right there. Both are so powerful :)