making very important and artistic pictures

The best thing about being a spanking model is the free porn. Not only am I frequently allowed access to the sites I work for, some photographers are kind enough to send me copies of the images, and after a shoot I get CDs full of kinky pictures through my letterbox. It's great. I very rarely find pictures of myself erotic - I like to watch other girls being beaten when I'm looking for kicks online.

Sometimes Mr C makes me watch my own videos with him while we're in scene, and it's hot, but almost in a humiliating way. I enjoy his appreciation of me, and remembering the shoot is often sexy, but when I'm watching my own films I just can't enjoy them properly as porn. I get too distracted by thinking "oooh, what am I doing?" or "that sounded stupid" or "I'm playing with my hair too much", or whatever.

The exception is when I've been filming with one of my Lords, because even though I'm still 'working' (the dialogue still involves acting and roleplay, I still need to think about camera angles, we still need to pause between takes or cheat certain shots), when I'm shooting with them I can step outside my self-consciousness. I'm their sub, and if they're enjoying me then nothing else matters. When I'm looking at pictures or movies of them, I stop focussing on me. And because it's us, the dynamic is, of course, perfectly tailored to my tastes. I'm taken back to the fantasy, can indulge in remembering the eroticism of the scene (during which I was invariably turned on) without having to worry about the work aspects any more. By modelling with my partners, I'm producing my own personalised porn :)

I recently received a couple of CDs of images from a shoot I did with D. and a photographer called RT, in November. Looking through those shots for the first time left me in a small puddle on the sofa. It was intense. These photos are so hot.

Well, I thought so, anyway. D. was far more interested in taking the piss providing cutting and witty satire:



I don't know. Some people. How dare he stoop to mocking the great and venerable institution of spanking porn in such an undignified manner. Next time I shall have to remind him to be very DOMLY and SERIOUS.