Kissing the Gunner's Daughter
I finally got around to watching Pirates of the Caribbean II recently. It's an exceedingly silly film with a run-on, nonsensical plot, a totally arbitrary ending, and characters who were parodies of themselves to the point that you stopped caring about them, but it did have certain things in its favour. Such as girls in naval military drag, and Davy Jones playing the organ with his tentacles (I don't really have much of a tentacle kink, beyond the vague concept of one entity being able to conduct simultaneous bondage and triple penetration, but I do have a thing for pianists. The bit with the organ was cool.) which was immediately followed by – guess what? Flogging! Why do you people not tell me these things?
Proper piratical manly flogging, this was, with Orlando Bloom being dragged over to the mast by one big burly bloke on each arm, tied to it, and having his shirt ripped open to expose his back for the whipping. I'm not really a fan of Orlando, but I did enjoy watching him flogged.
I spent the next few weeks developing elaborate fantasies about being on board a battleship. Dressed as a boy, naturally – I don't know whether I'm seeking fortune or adventure or seeking after my true love who has gone to sea, but either way, I'm in naval drag. Of course, I get into trouble, and am hauled on deck for punishment – a ritual which involves the entire crew gathering round to watch.
Men, you see, are flogged on the back while standing upright, tied to the mast or a grating. Boys, on the other hand, are traditionally caned on the bare behind, bent over a cannon ("kissing the gunner's daughter"). This is convenient for me, because I'm more interested in bare-bottom canings than bare-back floggings, but it's not convenient for my character in the fantasy: if I'm caned with my trousers down, everyone will see that I'm a girl and my cover will be blown.
However, the bo'sun is stern and implacable: I have no choice. When my deception is revealed there's a huge uproar. The captain, shocked and enraged, reaches a rapid decision. There is no honourable way of behaving towards me as one should a lady: as a lady I can't be whipped, but neither should I get away with having played such a low trick on the crew. Since I'm determined to be a boy, therefore, I will be punished like one: first my allotted strokes for the original misdemeanour, followed by a second punishment, this one even longer and harder than the first, for my dishonesty. He offers me a deal. If I take my punishment like the boy I was claiming to me, I will be permitted to stay on board. If I can't, they will confine me until we reach land and put me off at the nearest port.
The motivation to be stoic in the face of prolonged and severe punishment, combined with the public humiliation of the whole crew watching, is the bit of this fantasy that really gets me going. I can't resist a challenge.
There were actually women pirates who dressed as men: both Anne Bonney and Mary Read pretended to be men when they joined the crew of Calico Jack in the 18th century. Read was actually raised as a boy IIRC.
ReplyDeleteGreat fantasy. I dare you to make a video of it.
ReplyDeleteSounds more like it should be Kissing the gunner's son. hehe. Very nice post. mmmm
ReplyDeletePandora, If you like the idea, then, as science-fiction freak, I could suggest the "Nicholas Seafort" stories, by an author whose name escapes me...the writer wanted to do "Napoleonic Era Navy in space", which a lot of other writers have done well (ie, David Weber with "Honor Harrington" or David Drake with his "Leary and Mundy" books, but this guy doesn't know enough science to make it plausible; he dwells far too much on the fact that Midshipmen (and women, Pandora!) are caned as a disciplinary measure). By the way, maybe these people:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.tawse.com/html/ponyback.html
could help with the pony girl gear - weirdo, that I am, I want to see you naked in harness!
Grrltamer
The author's name is David Feintuch. I think I've got the first book in the series, 'Midshipman Hope' (or possibly Midshipman's Hope). I seem to recall not thinking much of it - no doubt because I like my sci-fi with plenty of science, and as you say it's not very good in that regard.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see this movie.
ReplyDeleteI would like to see everyone naked!
Robert - woo! I really need to read up on this :)
ReplyDeleteRicht - might be a little too high-budget for me, but it's a nice idea :)
I'm glad you like the fantasy, though :) The rest of it depends on my mood. In some versions, I'm allowed to continue in my role on ship, but given a private cabin by the captain, who is impressed by my fortitude and wouldn't want to see me mistreated by the crew. At other times I achieve my aim of being treated like a boy in all ways – including the sexual practices of the crew, who are determined to take their revenge for being duped... ;)
Expei: I'm not sure why it's daughter; cannon are fairly masculine, after all. Anyway, I have no problem at all with the idea of kissing girls, and obviously if I was pretending to bw a boy I'd need to kiss lots of them to keep up the deception :)
Grrltamer and D. - thanks for the recommendation! I'll borrow the book off D and see what I make of it - I'm not as hung up on science, although books do need to be well-written for me to be able to enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link btw Grrltamer- I'll take a look and see if there's anything I can afford, although I don't have much of a toy budget this month. Shame, I know :/
Kitty - if you can provide me with a budget, I'll make the movie :) Not everybody will be naked, though - the naval uniforms are the point, surely?
I was thinking of all those balls lying around lol. And yes indeed cannon do seem somewhat phallic what with shooting off at any thing that moves which stirs their interest.
ReplyDeleteHi Pandora - 'Sex In Uniform', a collection of short stories includes 'Kissing the gunners daughter', by Fiona Locke. It's set in the Navy, rather than a pirate ship, but is much the same as your fantasy. The book is available on Amazon. (And is on special offer!)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, what a good plot for a video!!
Expei: I don't think the cannon is the bit you kiss, though? If you're bent over it, you're kissing whatever the cannon is standing in. I'm not sure if it's actually called the "gunner's daughter", but it makes sense that the "daughter" isn't the cannon itself. Not that naval slang necessarily makes sense ;)
ReplyDeleteIvor: I'll definitely hunt it out: I've recently finished Fiona's first full-length novel Over The Knee and loved every minute of it. She and I really do seem to have been cut from the same tree :) Review coming soon!