It is done.

Today I confronted the truth of the cliché that the anticipation is worse than the event. Not that the event was a picnic, mind you. But getting ready for the punishment, thinking about it in the shower last night, knowing it was coming this morning when I woke up, driving there in the car, drinking tea while we waited for the cleaner to leave, setting up lights - all that was like teetering on the brink of a precipice, shaky with vertigo. When the caning started my hands were sweating so much that they slid about on the polished wooden windowseat. I struggled to keep my balance.

But once it started, it was like abseiling off the edge. Taking the leap. Suspended in midair, knowing that the ropes would hold me. Or Thomas, in this case, who had everything under control, including me.

While we were getting ready and setting up it was my project. I was in charge. And anticipating the pain from that vantagepoint was horrible. Once we started, I wasn't in charge any more. I could let go. And it hurt, of course it hurt. But I welcomed the pain. It was good to finally get it done.

I'm very, very tired now (immediately after the shoot I had a two hour life-modelling session involving bondage and some demanding poses, which has left all my muscles trembling) so forgive me if this doesn't make sense. I'll post the video as soon as I can.