stress, and stress relief
Apologies for the radio silence over the last few days. I'm jobhunting at the moment, and it's taking all my time. Yes, that's right, the self-employed model/artist/designer may be selling out. Freelance work is thin on the ground, and I don't know whether to blame the credit crunch or if my good luck has finally run out.
If there's one thing freelancing has taught me it's that fortune favours the opportunistic, and I'm hoping that that includes knowing when to cut your losses and look for some bread-and-butter work. Ideally, I'll find something part-time which will allow me to continue booking shoots and working on my own projects, but at this stage I'm open to the possibility of a full-time job if it seems interesting.
I don't think this means the death of my modelling career ... although if I'm working it might slow down a little as I'm limited to weekends and booked holiday. (That said, if any of you want to commission an artwork or a website, feel free to email me and let me know ..)
With all this stress and worry about work, I really need a spanking. I earned a brisk over-the-knee spanking on the bare from D the other day, for giving him a filthy look he didn't deserve. It was a fair cop - I was very tired and I had totally overreacted. The spanking stung my bottom and my pride, but there was something lovely about justice being swiftly meted out.
The annoying thing is that I'm probably so tired and stressed that I don't know if playing would work until I'm feeling calmer. Sometimes CP is the perfect thing to lift me out of a fretful mood. And sometimes I'm so wound up I can't submit at all.
I was daydreaming earlier about being caned. Not the slow, formal kind of caning you get in school stories. A play caning - only for his pleasure, not mine. 
I visualised myself on all fours on the bed, bottom lifted over a bolster and hands on the mattress, head flung back. I imagined the thin cane whipping down on my raised bottom, striping it again and again. I would cry out at the fierce sting of it, but the pain would be mixed with the bewildering joy of knowing I was pleasing my lord. I would twist and cry as the strokes whipped down faster, but I wouldn't break away. I would be taut as a bowstring, a the A string on a cello, bowed by the cane with swift strokes that leave me humming.
Could I take it right now, with my head all jangled and my body exhausted? Maybe not. But the idea is tantalising - and, somehow, soothing. Strange comfort.
Good luck on the job hunt. Whether it ends up being part-time or full-time, I hope it is exciting and fulfilling for you, which is the main thing (all the better if it also brings in some good money - there certainly is no shame in that).
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I hope it is not the death of your modelling career quite yet. You are one of the more interesting professional victims out there, and I think that there is still a lot of great kinky work potentially to come from you.
However, as long as you are daydreaming about canings, I see no danger of the obsession leaving you alone!
Part of what you write here reminds me of my friend Josephine. She is prone to get pretty stressed out at times, and sometimes, CP is the ideal way of lifting her out of it, while at other times it is utterly counter-productive. It can be hard to tell when the moment is right, but I've developed a reasonably good feel for it by now.
I liked the "string on a cello" analogy (although I picture you as the D string instead of the A string).
Those are lovely pictures, dear.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find a job that will still allow you time to model! And that won't tire you out or stress you too much.
Thankyou for the good wishes :) I had a second interview for a promising part-time role this morning, and I'll be finding out tomorrow ...
ReplyDeleteThis role is three days a week, which would leave me some time to book shoots, and work on my other business. Ideally I'd like to put as much of that time into my own projects (rather than commercial work) as possible, but the part-time job won't quite cover my living expenses, so I'll need to compromise a bit. It's all good business practice, I guess, and if the financial climate continues this badly, at least I'll have something stable to see me through.
I don't think that my kink will dry up just because I stop modelling - and my boyfriends would be outraged to hear you suggest it! It is true that modelling has deepened my interest in spanking, but I don't see that fading if I have to take a break for career reasons.
Knowing when CP is the right answer for stress and when it isn't is a fine art. I'm lucky to have relationships where we can experiment without it causing any problems if the answer is "no". I can usually get a spanking if I need it ... and if it turns out to be the wrong thing, they're good at stopping and snuggling instead. I am very lucky :)
I was thinking of the A below middle C? I'm an alto, after all - not a tenor :)
Zunzwang - thankyou! I'm sorry for the poor quality, they were taken by Tom on his cameraphone and it's not as good as mine ;)
Thanks for the good wishes, as well - I'll keep everyone updated if my situation changes, but I'm hoping to have time to model as well. It's not like I do more than a shoot a month at the moment - blogging is much more time consuming!
"I don't think that my kink will dry up just because I stop modelling - and my boyfriends would be outraged to hear you suggest it!"
ReplyDeleteI wasn't suggesting that. I think we all know that, if you truly have the kink, it is in your very fabric and it will be with you for life. That's what I meant by: "I see no danger of the obsession leaving you alone!" Just as I don't expect to ever lose the obsession myself...
What I was trying to say is this (I could have worded it better): in your particular case, you are not just kinky, but also an artist, so your interest in doing photos and videos, being creative etc. is presumanly a very strong one. Therefore, as long as you're kinky, you will probably want to do these other things as well.
You might get more selective in the projects that interest you, but wouldn't you be missing something if you stopped modelling entirely? I'm curious.
As for me, my blog and the video clips, even though I only started in January this year, have already become obsessions of their own. Even if I had to scale it down for career reasons, I don't think I could do entirely without that creative outlet. Of course, I can't say with certainty how I will feel a couple of years from now, but right now, I don't see myself being able to stop anytime soon.