Spanking vs. BDSM?
So here's something I don't understand: the divide in the scene between CP and BDSM. See, I'm naturally submissive; I have dominant partners, and for me, spanking is one way among many of expressing and reinforcing D/s interaction. Along with bondage, sensation play, rough sex, wearing a collar and following rules, it's a way in which my Doms exert authority over me and I submit to and rejoice in that authority. When I fantasise about CP (and I rarely fantasise about anything else) it's always within a rigid power structure with me at the bottom, as helpless as possible. In the fantasies I'm usually physically restrained as well. When I look at spanking pictures, what gets me hot is the power dynamic suggested in the images; the girls' helplessness, the top's harshness, the inescapability of the situation.
However, I seem to be fairly unusual within the spanking scene. Another Pandora, this one a highly reputable Domme, warns on her first page "Please note that I do not practice BDSM, nor do I allow any relief or other sexual practice in my home. You are being welcomed into my home; do not offend me." I see it on websites all the time: "we are practitioners of CP and are not into BDSM". It's almost defensive, as if BDSM were anathema to certain spankos. I'd never thought to separate the two before; I see spanking as another subset of BDSM, like (for instance) bondage.
'BDSM', as I understand it, stands for 'bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism'. Five out of six of which are present in CP play. When people deny any involvement in BDSM, do they mean that there's no 'real' D/s, just roleplay? Do they mean that they're just into spanking and don't want it to become sexual? Or that spanking is their only kink, and they aren't interested in ordering you around or tying you up?
I can understand that everyone's kink is different and everyone's into spanking for different reasons. I'm not saying that if you're into spanking you should be into anything else; what turns you on is entirely your call and that's fine by me. What I'm puzzling at is a pattern I've noticed, a defensive rejection of the term 'BDSM' by spankos. It almost seems as if they associate something distasteful with BDSM which I'm missing. Or am I imagining it?
Five out of six of which are present in CP play.
ReplyDeleteSurely not necessarily? I know people who do spanking/flogging/etc purely as sensation play, with no D/s context. I've always used the term SM for their kink in the past, but CP seems to be the same thing... or am I missing something now?
I knew someone would pick up on that :) I didn't mean necessarily present, but frequently. In the images/videos produced by the sites I work for there's always a strong D/s narrative; it's never just "girl wants to be spanked and top wants to spank her". Possibly the spankos who disclaim BDSM don't like watching these kinds of narratives - I don't know, I'm talking about a subjective impression which might be inaccurate. I'm curious as to whether anyone else has noticed the same thing, really.
ReplyDeleteI am one of these who rejects the BDSM label. I like to spank and be spanked. It's just sexy to me - I don't get a thrill of dominating someone completely, or being completely overpowered. Thus no BDSM. It's just a kind of foreplay for me.
ReplyDeleteMakes me not a real spanko, as far as I know.
Speaking as someone who has been involved in the practice of BDSM (which for me means adult consensual erotic and/or disciplinary spanking and related arts) for a long time, I too am intrigued by the persistance of this debate. I have come to a conclusion about it. Many of us enjoy spanking whether for the connective aspects of it, or because it is erotic for us, or because we find it motivational. All too often, though, many of us are stigmatized by our need.
ReplyDeleteOur society has long portrayed BDSM as a dark, evil, sick, and wrong perversion practiced by pathologicl, predatory, sociopathic, sadists. When uninformed people search under BDSM on The Internet they encounter images intended to appeal to sexually repressed "wanna be's" who know nothing of real life BDSM practice.
Thus, those of us who are stigmatized by their need to experience spanking in their life, whether actively or passively, often decide they are not engaging in BDSM. They are simply pure "spankos," not evil BDSM perverts.
To say that I enjoy spanking but I am not practicing BDSM, is like saying my car is a Chevrolet, but it is absolutely not a General Motors product. It is logically an absurdity.
Sadomasochism, SM, is experiencing gratification, espeically erotic gratification, although it could simply be emotional gratification, from the intentional infliction of, or experience of receiving, pain. Being gratified by the act of, or being the recipient of, spanking is sado-masochism.....QID.....by definition. Words have meaning. Enjoying spanking is sdaomasochism. Sadomasochism is SM. SM is BDSM. A=B, B=C, C=D, A=D.
There is no purpose in trying to convince "pure spanko's" of the rational absurdity of their denial. By nature those in denial are rarely susceptible to reason. If they were reasonable about this topic, they would not need the defense mechanism of denial. If they come to eventually seek community of like minded and expereinced folks, then they will eventually come to terms with themselves and their sensual/erotic orientation, and the issue of what label describes it will become inconsequntial. If on the other hand they remain closeted and in denial, then who is harmed? Perhaps their stigma about their orientation enhances their responsiveness to spanking.
After all spanking is spanking, and a rose by any other name......
Raheretic/Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Discipline is frequently an aspect of spankiing relationships in reality or fantasy role play.
If spanking is not BDSM, then male/female sexual intercourse is jsut fucking and has absolutely nothin to do with hetero-eroticsm.
It is fruitless to argue the point with those in denial of their BDSM orientation. If they persist in their practice and reach out to find community with ohters who share their interests, they too, will eventually manage to accept their sensual-erotic orientation for what it is,BDSM. If they choose to remain closeted and in denial of themselves and reality, oh well, arose by any other name.......
Your site is interesting,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Raheretic said...
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as someone who has been involved in the practice of BDSM (which for me means adult consensual erotic and/or disciplinary spanking and related arts) for a long time, I too am intrigued by the persistance of this debate.
I've given up trying to find the line on this one. I think its entirely subjective now, and is possibly guided more nowadays by the media purveyors and search engines than as a definition or category for want of a better word for “newbies or those on the scene", I think people entering the scene for the first time in this century (the last six years or so) would wonder as much as I did when I found my callings back in the early 90’s. I still remember the snobbery on either side dependant on which kind of event you attended, and yet you could find all practitioners of all denominations at fetish fairs and markets.
On a personal note I’m happy in either full on leather trouserd master mode with floggers, cuffs and collars or wearing civilian clothes doing a bit of CP. And its fair to say that often straight up CP, often ends up with a little bondage and flogging and that sometimes a bit of bondage gets undone to concentrate on the CP element.
Dare one offend those strictly on either side of the fence that it’s “the same meat with different gravy” and or (for Times readers) “an interesting and diverse menu”.
And thanks to Raheretic for a perfect opening paragraph.
Anon - so if you consider yourself "not a real spanko", does that mean you agree that spankos should embrace the BDSM label?
ReplyDeleteRaheretic and Graeme - thanks a lot for your insight and opinions, it's fascinating stuff :)
Just commenting to add that I've found two interesting discussions of this on the British Spanking Forums - here and here.
ReplyDelete